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  • Teenagers and soccer

    I have taught soccer for my youngest child, who is now 10, and he loves it. Now I've been asked to teach my oldest (16 yrs.) boy team. So today I asked him if it would be ok if I coached the team he will be on, "No Way" was his answer, and boy was he adamant about it. He told me I would embarrass him if I did. I tried to reasure him that I would never do something like that. Now if I don't coach there may be no one else to do it and the team would not play at all. I explain this to my boy, and still "no way Dad". So then I asked my !4 yr. old if it would be alright to coach his team, exact same answer, "no way dad". How should I go about this, I think I should go ahead and do it anyway. My wife thinks it would be a bad move, what about all you guys out there? Think my way is stupid? Teenager will distance themselves from parents, and I don't want that to happen, but I know I cannot force things on them (with in reason). Doing something like this could be an eventful experience for the rest of our lives.
    Any responses would be welcomed, and from anyone...Thanks...
    Great Link for a Construction Owner/Tradesmen, and just say Garager sent you....

    http://www.contractorspub.com

    A good climbing rope will last you 3 to 5 years, a bad climbing rope will last you a life time !!!

  • #2
    Re: Teenagers and soccer

    Playing with your dad as coach is a touchy subject especially if your son is a starter. If he has thoroughly proved himself its no big deal and his teammates wont question the decision to start him.

    I have played ever since I was a little guy and I know how teammates look at the coaches son.

    I cant tell ya what you should do... just letting you know a little more of his perspective and how the team would react. Its usually a much easier situation if you have coached for a few years before your sons start playing for you.

    My 2 cents.

    Josh

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    • #3
      Re: Teenagers and soccer

      I understand how your sons feel, but I know where youre comming from too.
      My son, who just got back from Afghanistan, joined the Danish Cavalry Regiment, & not the Royal Danish Air Force, like his dad!
      Somewhere near you, are the teams your sons play against. They need coaches too, and probably have potential coaches with the same problem!
      How about a swap! I'm sure your sons would love to beat dads team on Saturday, and in a way, can learn more about the greater ideals, and value of sport, in this way. What value has your performance, without a worthy & fitting opponent?
      It would be a great thing for (any) community if more people had your understanding of duty, and the desire to "give something back"

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Teenagers and soccer

        garager -

        I assume you haven't been coaching a team for some time and now your sons are of age to be on the team. Sounds like you're interested in coaching for the benefit of your kids, which is a perfectly good reason, IMHO. But if you'd be doing it for them, and they don't want you to be their coach, then the decision is made. Don't coach.

        I've seen good and bad examples of Dad coaching a son/daughter's sports team. It can work, but it also can be a disaster. I'd say in your case it'd be leaning toward disaster...

        Just my 2ยข, but hope it helps.

        Actually, I see you were wondering about this a while ago. So, what did you decide and how is it going?

        - djb
        sigpic

        A Democracy is 2 wolves and 1 sheep voting on what to have for lunch.

        Restore the Republic.

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        • #5
          Re: Teenagers and soccer

          I have decided to back away from this (maybe) until the last minute, no body has stepped up to coach. I did coach last year for my youngest son, and he got mad at me when I told him I might also coach his oldest brother team. He thought I would not be coaching his team, so I had to explain there is time playing difference, so theres no conflict, he's happy now. There is still a 1 1/2 months before practice starts and who knows maybe someone will start stepping up. My oldest boy did say I could coach his team, he told me this last week. I left the matter alone, not one word was mentioned about soccer, so I guess he thinks I might do alright and not embarrass him. But I'm not going to coach his team, I'll stay out of this and let other parents figure out what to do, no coach no team, hope that doesn't happen.
          Great Link for a Construction Owner/Tradesmen, and just say Garager sent you....

          http://www.contractorspub.com

          A good climbing rope will last you 3 to 5 years, a bad climbing rope will last you a life time !!!

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Teenagers and soccer

            Originally posted by Josh View Post
            Playing with your dad as coach is a touchy subject especially if your son is a starter. If he has thoroughly proved himself its no big deal and his teammates wont question the decision to start him.

            I have played ever since I was a little guy and I know how teammates look at the coaches son.

            I cant tell ya what you should do... just letting you know a little more of his perspective and how the team would react. Its usually a much easier situation if you have coached for a few years before your sons start playing for you.

            My 2 cents.

            Josh
            I'm with Josh here. Well, sort of. He says it's touchy, I say wrong. Having played football and track in both high school and college, and basketball, football and track in youth sports, and having been coached by men with sons on the team, I would say it rarely works.

            If they are good, team members will always think their accomplishments are because their dad pushed them to the front. There is also the case that dads, in an effort to be fair will treat their sons more harshly. Their are also fathers who want their sons to be better then they are, and attempt to push them beyond their limits.

            I'm sure you think you are not one of these fathers. But consider this: Your sons do not want you to coach. Is not their participation in these sports for their benifit and enjoyment? If it makes them uncomfortable to coach, does that not defeat the purpose of them playing.

            You are obviously a father who is caring, and willing to lend his time when many parents do not. But do not let your ego get in the way. I would suggest staying involved, supporting your kids in their athletic activities, but respect their wishes on this one.

            Just my opinion.
            the dog

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Teenagers and soccer

              Garager,
              If your son now says he will be OK with you as a coach I would get in contact with your league officials and let them know you will coach if no one else steps up. That way the team will be sure to get in on scheduling.

              It is an easy thing too get too involved. In my case it was my son's tournament basketball team. We played 40 to 50 games a year between 6th grade and his freshman year in high school.

              I continued to involve myself in ball during high school and this ultimately was a source of conflict between my son and I. My son and I are alright with it now and I still see my guys and wouldn't trade the time I spent coaching them for anything, But I would like to go back in time and tell myself to end it at the right time.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Teenagers and soccer

                If you end up coaching just take plumbdog and my warnings into account. Be deliberately impartial to your son. Some coaches have ruined their sons reps in school by doing stupid things.

                example: in 7th grade football we had a game wrapped up. The coaches kid is probably the smallest on the team. He is a halfback and had very little real gametime under his belt.

                We had the game wrapped up ahead by 7 and approaching the red zone. So the coach decides to put his son in to run a couple plays to burn out the rest of the clock. First play a linebacker breaks through the line and just straight up pulls the ball outa his hands and runs 70 yards for a touchdown. Kid never regained respect all the way through high school eventually quit football.

                It can work but its just a touchy situation. Make sure if you play your kid that he deserves to play and make extra efforts to stay impartial.

                Josh

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Teenagers and soccer

                  Josh that would have been every kid nightmare, I am no rookie at the coaching end ( not just soccer), and as long as you show up for practice you play equal amounts of time. Based on your abilities is where you will start, I do not scatter the kids around on the playing field. I think my son was more worried about the other kids not liking me or respecting me, since I don't really know any of them. These are not his normal friends that he hangs out with, 1 or 3 perhaps. He has stepped out of soccer for 2 years, now wants to get back in for the exercise and meet new friends. I will not pressure my son on this coaching matter, I respect his decision and will watch from the side line, unless theres no coach for these kids, then I'll jump in. When I coach, I try to find some kids (experienced) that are a few years older then the kids that are playing, and they will be my assistances. Which means they actually do most of the coaching, it works great this way. I think he told me, I can coach is team out of the respect that he thought my feelings were hurt, good kid. I told him that I think your mother aught to coach and not me, she'll do better. Should have seen his eyes grow and the terror on his face. LOL... Then he goes your kidding right, oh ya....
                  Great Link for a Construction Owner/Tradesmen, and just say Garager sent you....

                  http://www.contractorspub.com

                  A good climbing rope will last you 3 to 5 years, a bad climbing rope will last you a life time !!!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Teenagers and soccer

                    Originally posted by garager View Post
                    Josh that would have been every kid nightmare, I am no rookie at the coaching end ( not just soccer), and as long as you show up for practice you play equal amounts of time. Based on your abilities is where you will start, I do not scatter the kids around on the playing field. I think my son was more worried about the other kids not liking me or respecting me, since I don't really know any of them. These are not his normal friends that he hangs out with, 1 or 3 perhaps. He has stepped out of soccer for 2 years, now wants to get back in for the exercise and meet new friends. I will not pressure my son on this coaching matter, I respect his decision and will watch from the side line, unless theres no coach for these kids, then I'll jump in. When I coach, I try to find some kids (experienced) that are a few years older then the kids that are playing, and they will be my assistances. Which means they actually do most of the coaching, it works great this way. I think he told me, I can coach is team out of the respect that he thought my feelings were hurt, good kid. I told him that I think your mother aught to coach and not me, she'll do better. Should have seen his eyes grow and the terror on his face. LOL... Then he goes your kidding right, oh ya....
                    Glad I'm not your kid. Sounds like your ego is talking to you.
                    the dog

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Teenagers and soccer

                      I'm sorry you get that impression plumbdog, I really don't have an ego. I'm joking around some, and trying to see things straight, thanks to a few guys here that I'm listening to. Like I said I'm stepping away, I didn't mean to give the impression that I have a large ego...
                      Great Link for a Construction Owner/Tradesmen, and just say Garager sent you....

                      http://www.contractorspub.com

                      A good climbing rope will last you 3 to 5 years, a bad climbing rope will last you a life time !!!

                      Comment

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