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  • Over Draft Fees

    [FONT='Verdana', 'sans-serif']The following is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old lady. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.
    [/FONT]
    [FONT='Verdana', 'sans-serif']Dear Sir:
    I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.
    [/FONT]
    [FONT='Verdana', 'sans-serif']You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.
    [/FONT]
    [FONT='Verdana', 'sans-serif']I noticed that, whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.
    [/FONT]
    [FONT='Verdana', 'sans-serif']From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.
    [/FONT]
    [FONT='Verdana', 'sans-serif']Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but, in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.
    [/FONT]
    [FONT='Verdana', 'sans-serif']Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets, liabilities, etc.) must be accompanied by documented proof.
    [/FONT]
    [FONT='Verdana', 'sans-serif']In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:
    [/FONT]
    [FONT='Verdana', 'sans-serif']IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH
    #1.To make an appointment to see me
    #2. To query a missing payment.
    #3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
    #4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping
    #5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
    #6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home
    #7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. This password will be communicated at a later date to that authorized contact mentioned earlier.
    #8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
    #9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. Your contact person will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering
    service.
    #10. This is a second reminder to press (*) for English.
    [/FONT]
    [FONT='Verdana', 'sans-serif']While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
    [/FONT]
    [FONT='Verdana', 'sans-serif']May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly, less prosperous New Year?
    [/FONT]
    [FONT='Verdana', 'sans-serif']Your Humble Client
    [/FONT]
    [FONT='Verdana', 'sans-serif'](Remember: This was written by an 86 year old woman) 'YA JUST GOTTA LOVE THOSE SENIORS" !!!!! And remember; Don't make old ladies mad! They don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to set them off.
    [/FONT]
    9/11/01, never forget.

  • #2
    Re: Over Draft Fees

    Very good OSC

    This reminds me of a letter that was in a newspaper some time back where a man was upset about the menu hell phone system his bank used and what he went through attempting to report the loss of one of his credit cards. He gave it his best try and finally after several hours got through to a live person.

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    • #3
      Re: Over Draft Fees

      An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...

      Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

      Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

      Older Woman: Oh, I see.

      Officer: Can I see your license please?

      Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

      Officer: Don't have one?

      Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

      Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

      Older Woman: I can't do that.

      Officer: Why not?

      Older Woman: I stole this car.

      Officer: Stole it?

      Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

      Officer: You what?

      Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

      The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.

      Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!

      The woman steps out of her vehicle.

      Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

      Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

      Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

      Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

      The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

      Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

      Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

      The officer is quite stunned.

      Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

      The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

      The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

      Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

      Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

      Don't Mess With Old Ladies

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      • #4
        Re: Over Draft Fees

        lmao
        9/11/01, never forget.

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        • #5
          Re: Over Draft Fees

          LOL thats a good one
          The History of Sanitary Sewers Good site on the history of sanitary sewers and cleaners

          www.thedrainsquad.net Our website

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          • #6
            Re: Over Draft Fees

            LMAO That last 1 reminds me of something my mom did quite a few years back.I had left my sports car at their place and taken my truck to work that week..work was about 2 hours away and I lived near it.So mom decides her and dad need a dinner out about mid week and they drove up so I could buy it for them lol.Now mom always obeyed the law in every way possible.But she had a slight problem judging speed in that car.So they were driving home and she got to crusing along ..at about 75mph in the 65 zone.The patrolman pulled her over got her license ran the plates everything..then gave her back the license and said just because your 75 doesn't mean thats the speed limit now.So slow down and enjoy your sons car..that car was hard to keep at 65
            Sam

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