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the holiday party!!!

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  • the holiday party!!!

    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All Employees
    DATE: October 01, 2007
    RE: Christmas Party

    I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
    on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill
    House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small
    band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be
    surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree
    will be lit at 1:00 p.m. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at
    that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of
    gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO
    >will make a special announcement at that time!

    Merry Christmas to you and your family.


    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All Employees
    DATE: October 02, 2007

    RE: Holiday Party
    In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
    We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides
    with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on
    we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other
    employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation
    Day. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung.
    We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

    Happy now?
    Happy Holidays to you and your family.

    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All Employees
    DATE: October 03, 2007
    RE: Holiday Party

    Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
    requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy
    to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads,
    "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle
    Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the
    $10.00 is a little chintzy.

    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    To: All Employees
    DATE: October 04, 2007
    RE: Holiday Party

    What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the
    Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
    daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a
    luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'
    beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until
    the end of the party - or else package everything for you to take it home
    in a little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for
    members of Weight Watchers to sit furthest from the dessert buffet and
    pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are
    allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will
    have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay
    men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no
    cross-dressing allowed though. We will have booster seats for short
    people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot
    control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high
    blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for
    Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
    Did I miss anything?!?!?

    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

    TO: All F&*^%$#) Employees

    RE: The F%$#@$ Holiday Party
    Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not,so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f$%&&* salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die,
    The Bit@h from H*LL!!!!!!!!> ================================================== =========================================
    FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
    DATE: October 06, 2007
    RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
    I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery
    and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime,management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
    Happy Holidays!
    9/11/01, never forget.

  • #2
    Re: the holiday party!!!

    Good one OSC... Now I'm but of everyone in a big fight
    Last edited by Woussko; 12-14-2007, 12:51 AM.


    • #3
      Re: the holiday party!!!

      We really need to start petition to change the name of Christmas to "Holiday #3" we might as well do it for all the other holidays that have anything to do with religion as well. How dare someone call it Christmas (just kidding for anyone who didnt pic that up)


      • #4
        Re: the holiday party!!!

        That was good, OSC. But as we all can see nowadays, theres a lot of truth to that post to. Bunch of sniveling whiners...
        Great Link for a Construction Owner/Tradesmen, and just say Garager sent you....

        A good climbing rope will last you 3 to 5 years, a bad climbing rope will last you a life time !!!


        • #5
          Re: the holiday party!!!

          Originally posted by garager View Post
          Bunch of sniveling whiners...
          Couldn't have said it better myself!


          • #6
            Re: the holiday party!!!

            OSC..great post. personally, I've stopped the "happy holidays" and gone back to "merry christmas". if wishing someone a "merry" anything ticks them off, TFB.
            there's a solution to every just have to be willing to find it.


            • #7
              Re: the holiday party!!!

              I would love to challenge people who dont want to hear it called Christmas to give up their paid holiday and go to work those days. Id bet Christmas would be allright then