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Canada Jokes

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  • Canada Jokes

    I was all set to hurl insults and canada jokes at Tinmack last night and fortunatly came to my senses. Mostly because I'm pretty sure tinmack is an up front guy with differing opinions but a little because I was just kinda running out of dialog. (good to be honest once in a while) Still it occurs to me that there's no need to waste pretty good Canada Jokes so here goes.

    An American, a Japanese and a Canadian were sitting naked in a sauna when suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm, and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager he said. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."

    A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained "That was my mobile phone, I have a microchip in my hand."

    The Canadian felt decidedly low-tech, but not to be outdone, he decided he had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the toilet. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his butt. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him. The Canadian finally said "Well, will you look at that! I'm getting a fax."
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  • #2
    Re: Canada Jokes

    This one is for you NHmaster:
    An American, a Scot and a Canuk were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened.

    "Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and that for a donation of $100, we could return to the earth."

    He continued, " So of course, I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $100, and the next thing I knew I was back here."

    "That's amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?"

    "Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay for his."
    Water Heater Reviews & Water Heater Information

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    • #3
      Re: Canada Jokes

      Nice.


      two down 30,000 or so to go
      sigpic

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      • #4
        Re: Canada Jokes

        This one is for tinmack.

        Canada VS United States
        This is an actual radio conversation between a United States Navy aircraft carrier (U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln) and Canadian authorities off the coast off Newfoundland in October 1995. (The radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on 10/10/95 as authorized by the Freedom of Information Act.)

        CANADIANS:
        Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

        AMERICANS:
        Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

        CANADIANS:
        Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

        AMERICANS:
        This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

        CANADIANS:
        No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

        AMERICANS:
        This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln. The second largest ship in the United States Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers, and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course15 degrees north...
        I say again...That's one-five degrees north.... or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship!

        CANADIANS:
        We are a lighthouse. Your call
        Water Heater Reviews & Water Heater Information

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        • #5
          Re: Canada Jokes

          Here are a couple,

          What is the Canadian alphabet?

          A,eh B,eh C,eh....


          and then the old classic

          In a train there was a Canadian, an American, a spectacular looking blonde and a frightfully awful looking fat lady.

          The train happens to pass through a dark tunnel, and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard.

          When they leave the tunnel, the American had a big red slap mark on his cheek.

          ** The blond thought - "that American son of a ***** wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who in turn must have slapped his face"

          ** The fat lady thought - "this dirty old American laid his hands on the blond and she smacked him"

          ** The American thought - "That damned Canadian put his hand on that blond and by mistake she slapped me"

          ** The Canadian thought - "I hope there's another tunnel soon so I can smack that stupid American again"


          Yipes!
          A good carpenter makes few mistakes, a great carpenter can fix his own.

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          • #6
            Re: Canada Jokes

            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uApZuZ6RPy4
            I'm on "The List" and I love it!!

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            • #7
              Re: Canada Jokes

              "fI-FEE-FO FEE-FI-FO-FO"





              Mike Tysons phone number...to break the monotony before you guys trigger an international crisis.

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              • #8
                Re: Canada Jokes

                Canada.......America's hat
                INSIGHT PIPE is now Maine Drain Serving most of ME with no charge for travel! 207-431-6232 is nolonger a working # our NEW # is 207-355-1476
                Sewer main snaking (roto rooting). Sink clogs. Sewer backup. Pipe inspection/locating. No Dig trenchless repair. Root clog removal.We are NOT to replace your local Plumber, as we do not do plumbing. WE ARE YOUR DRAIN CLEANING EXPERTS!!! www.sewermaine.com waterville winslow bangor augusta skowhegan fairfield pittsfield oakland

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                • #9
                  Re: Canada Jokes

                  Canadians should never apologize for Shania Twain

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                  • #10
                    Re: Canada Jokes

                    Originally posted by Gene Bickford View Post
                    Canada.......America's hat
                    Awww....c'mon.....we could have had Maine.....but we already had enough New Brunswick so we cut off the Maine part..
                    I'm on "The List" and I love it!!

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                    • #11
                      Re: Canada Jokes

                      Hell, I live in Maine and I'd still let you have this festering den of liberals for free.

                      And if you have a wife then don't bother asking me why I moved here. Some things (ok most) are out of my hands.
                      sigpic

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                      • #12
                        Re: Canada Jokes

                        Originally posted by NHMaster3015 View Post
                        Hell, I live in Maine and I'd still let you have this festering den of liberals for free.

                        And if you have a wife then don't bother asking me why I moved here. Some things (ok most) are out of my hands.
                        Festering and growing. At least we can still listen to Howie Carr.
                        INSIGHT PIPE is now Maine Drain Serving most of ME with no charge for travel! 207-431-6232 is nolonger a working # our NEW # is 207-355-1476
                        Sewer main snaking (roto rooting). Sink clogs. Sewer backup. Pipe inspection/locating. No Dig trenchless repair. Root clog removal.We are NOT to replace your local Plumber, as we do not do plumbing. WE ARE YOUR DRAIN CLEANING EXPERTS!!! www.sewermaine.com waterville winslow bangor augusta skowhegan fairfield pittsfield oakland

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