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  • Responsible Parenting

    Okay, this is not an attack on Palin but since the issue has come up I would like to relate my own personal story and hope it is of help to others. Some of you have grown daughters and some have infant daughters, I have a fourteen year old and a twenty year old. The older one was and still is an amazing student and always at the top of her class, makes the dean's list every time. She never dated much while living at home and opted to push herself with school and grades. I didn't think that was a great idea since it didn't give her much experience with boys(men) as she headed for college. Six months into her first year she met a guy and fell in love (yeah, sure) I told her and her mother that I wanted her to start taking birth control, even though she assured me they had not had sex. She agreed and eventually they became intimate. When I met the young man, I had a chance to talk to him in private and he seemed nervous. I told him I had no problem with he and my daughter being lovers, I didn't expect them to get married and if things ended no harm done. I did say that if he passed a STD on to her I would find him and hurt him. I have no problem going to jail. They broke up a few months later and she was crushed. I told her love is complicated and he was there for an education not to meet his future wife. His family was Jewish and they did not accept him dating a Catholic girl anyway. They were kind of nasty in their approach, made it clear she was not liked. The point I'm trying to make is that once our children are out of our home and our sight we cannot protect them from harm and we cannot control their behavior. I choose to talk to my girls, let them know I'm supportive and concerned but that I'm not a door mat and will not raise a child because they are having unprotected sex. I don't care about Palin and her daughter's situation, but I know at seventeen a girl or boy deserve to finish their education and if they want go on to college. Having a baby at such a young age forces you to change plans and grow up real fast if you are going to rise to the challenge and reposibility of parenthood. I urge those of you with teens to have "The Talk", be clear and have your wife understand your concerns. We cannot ignore the fact that teens will have sex if the situation presents itself, but we can be prepared to reduce their risk of pregnancy and disease.
    Last edited by ToUtahNow; 09-04-2008, 07:57 PM.

  • #2
    Re: Teens Having Sex

    Franki, this is one of my biggest fears, not a daughter that turns intao a pregnant teen, but I know that when I do have children my actions and words will "build" a person, and the roads that they take are a direct reflection upon me as a parent. I hope that I can do half as good of a job that my parents did with me. Thank you for a heartfelt and meaningful post!

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    • #3
      Re: Teens Having Sex

      I am not one to post family discussions on a message board. What I can tell you is I agree with you that it is a family's responsibility, not the schools, to discuss sex with both sons and daughters. The biggest thing I found and am still finding as a father of 3 young children is you need to talk to your kids and be a part of everything they do. Even if you cant make every soccer, baseball, football game, ballet recitial or whatever, talk to them about everything and be a part of their life.

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      • #4
        Re: Teens Having Sex

        You are very welcome and the fact that you are thoughtful about the process gives you a heads up. Often we get caught up in the present with children, we discipline them and sometimes say mean things not thinking that this little girl or boy will grow up to be a woman or man. What kind of adult will he or she become? We are not totally responsible for the end result but we do play an important part. I tell them I love them, but I'm also not afraid to get tough. Hopefully there will be time when they grow up for us to be friends, right now it's time to be a parent and I have not found a way to be both. When the time is right I wish you patience and strength and a little luck thrown in. Take care.

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        • #5
          Re: Teens Having Sex

          I had posted earlier that my wife was pregnant when we got married at 18. Having three boys and three girls I feared one of them would go through the same thing. However, they seemed to have figured out the sacrifices Brenda and I made because of our choices and all waited several years into marriage before having children.

          On another note Frank's post made me chuckle a little as we have similar experiences. One of my daughters was dating a young man who we did not approve of because he was telling her to ignore our counsel. I was always pleasant with him but one day I reached my limit. I asked him to walk out front with me for a minute then I read him the riot act. The grand finale of my attack was when I clearly and forcefully stated "I'm not afraid to go to prison over you". He looked like a deer in the headlights and snapped out of the attitude against us in a heartbeat. Now after being married to my daughter for almost 10-years he told me after our discussion he was convinced I was a member of the CIA. He said because of all the dead animals on the wall and the guns in the safe I clearly was into killing. I like to think my actions that day may have saved all three of us.

          Mark
          "Somewhere a Village is Missing Twelve Idiots!" - Casey Anthony

          I never lost a cent on the jobs I didn't get!

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          • #6
            Re: Teens Having Sex

            Originally posted by Masterplumb View Post
            I am not one to post family discussions on a message board. What I can tell you is I agree with you that it is a family's responsibility, not the schools, to discuss sex with both sons and daughters. The biggest thing I found and am still finding as a father of 3 young children is you need to talk to your kids and be a part of everything they do. Even if you cant make every soccer, baseball, football game, ballet recitial or whatever, talk to them about everything and be a part of their life.
            You sound like a good Dad and I agree with your post. We can't make all the events you mentioned and as we push ourselves to work and provide for our families we need to catch ourselves and try to find some balance. I wish kids did come with a book because we can miss out on some of these important lessons and you can't go back and change the past. I don't really agree with that Quality time bull---t. We need to be around them as much as possible,not just for that special time but for when they are bored, botheing the pets, sitting too close to the tv, just plain living life.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Teens Having Sex

              Originally posted by ToUtahNow View Post
              I had posted earlier that my wife was pregnant when we got married at 18. Having three boys and three girls I feared one of them would go through the same thing. However, they seemed to have figured out the sacrifices Brenda and I made because of our choices and all waited several years into marriage before having children.

              On another note Frank's post made me chuckle a little as we have similar experiences. One of my daughters was dating a young man who we did not approve of because he was telling her to ignore our counsel. I was always pleasant with him but one day I reached my limit. I asked him to walk out front with me for a minute then I read him the riot act. The grand finale of my attack was when I clearly and forcefully stated "I'm not afraid to go to prison over you". He looked like a deer in the headlights and snapped out of the attitude against us in a heartbeat. Now after being married to my daughter for almost 10-years he told me after our discussion he was convinced I was a member of the CIA. He said because of all the dead animals on the wall and the guns in the safe I clearly was into killing. I like to think my actions that day may have saved all three of us.

              Mark
              Mark, I'm rolling on the floor buddy. Great story and happy ending to boot. You did him a favor, young folks sometimes need a wake up talk and there are too many folks afraid to say anything. Good for You.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Teens Having Sex

                Sometimes life gets busy and our careers seem to take over but we all need to remember our number one responsibility in life is our family. I know when I am gone few will remember me for what I accomplished in business but they will remember the family I raised and how they contributed to society.

                Mark
                "Somewhere a Village is Missing Twelve Idiots!" - Casey Anthony

                I never lost a cent on the jobs I didn't get!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Teens Having Sex

                  kids are one reason i traded my pipe wrench for pencils, I want to be able to spend more time with my kids when the time comes, I found working in the trade I was having more and more late nights and weekends dedicated to work as opposed to the important things in life!

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                  • #10
                    Re: Teens Having Sex

                    I find that too many parents are trying to be their kids best friend. IMO you have to be a parent first. I used to tell my boys when they were younger that if they're not happy all the time, then I'm a success as a parent. Another favorite line of ours was "The Bill of Rights doesn't apply to you until you move out." So far our boys have stayed out of trouble, but have unfortunately developed their father's sense of humor.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Burning Out

                      Originally posted by wrench spinner View Post
                      kids are one reason i traded my pipe wrench for pencils, I want to be able to spend more time with my kids when the time comes, I found working in the trade I was having more and more late nights and weekends dedicated to work as opposed to the important things in life!
                      If your not careful you'll do the same thing with pencils. I already burnt out of two jobs and when we were dating my wife almost dumped me over my workaholic tendencies. It can take some work to be able to leave work at work.
                      Last edited by cpw; 09-04-2008, 09:30 PM. Reason: Change Post Title

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                      • #12
                        Re: Teens Having Sex

                        See...You've done it again.
                        I say on the forum I speed...A few days later I get pulled over.Seems like any time anything major is going down around me.The forum is there on it.



                        Franki,
                        I was at a family gathering Sunday.I was commenting to my friend about my notice with his 15 year old all cuddly in the lounge chair on the back patio with her pimply faced boyfriend.He said it was O/K,the kid checks out by him.Besides,The kids been staying with them the last couple of weeks.

                        His wife called our house Tuesday...She needs advice...She doesn't know how to tell him his daughter is pregnant and they have decided to keep the child and boyfriend in his home.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Teens Having Sex

                          Originally posted by Masterplumb View Post
                          I am not one to post family discussions on a message board. What I can tell you is I agree with you that it is a family's responsibility, not the schools, to discuss sex with both sons and daughters. The biggest thing I found and am still finding as a father of 3 young children is you need to talk to your kids and be a part of everything they do. Even if you cant make every soccer, baseball, football game, ballet recital or whatever, talk to them about everything and be a part of their life.
                          And How - Be there and do tell them about what happens if they don't first listen and also behave themselves. I'm very saddened at how many children (under 18) have children only to have their children also have children.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Poor choice of words for naming a thread

                            In a forum that has nothing to do with the subject matter.



                            What's going to happen now is search engines will grab those words and like all obvious, the spammers come thinking this is a bedding ground for more of the same.



                            I vote to delete this thread for the betterment of this site. Keywords are what attract the unwanted.
                            Northern Kentucky Plumbers Twitter Feed | Plumbing Videos

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                            • #15
                              Re: Teens Having Sex

                              I work with the girls/moms that don't come from loving, supportive families and intentionally get pregnant to have someone to love them. The problem is the kids end up growing out of the cute baby phase, talking back, replying to the moms with rolling eyes, swearing and hitting. Did I mention the moms are 18-24 and the kids are all under 5?


                              It is a hard life. There are additional struggles presented to these moms that they don't even realize until it is too late.

                              The best we can hope for is to teach them to be better parents than they were parented.
                              I love my plumber

                              "My Hero"

                              Welcome, Phoebe Jacqueline!

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