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  • jokes

    brian and luke were out duck hunting with brian's dog, rex.

    brian says; did you know that i can send my dog down to that marsh and he'll tell me how many ducks are down there?

    luke says; i don't believe you.

    brian says; rex, go down to the marsh and tell me how many ducks are down there.

    rex takes off running. 5 min later to comes back and barks twice.

    brian says; rex says there's 2 duck down there.

    luke says; i don't believe you.

    brian says; come on. lets go down and see.

    they both walk down to the marsh when all of a sudden 2 ducks pop-up. bang! bang! brian shot both ducks.

    they go back to their blind.

    lukes says; i think that was just luck.

    brian says; okay. i'll show you again. rex! go down to the marsh and tell me how many ducks are down there.

    rex takes off running.

    he comes back and barks 4 times.

    brian says; rex says there's 4 ducks down there.

    luke says; i don't believe you.

    they both get up a head down to the marsh. sure enough up pops 4 ducks. bang! bang! bang!..........bang!

    luke says; wow! you have an amazing dog.

    brian says; i know. listen luke, i gotta go outta town for a couple of weeks, would you mind looking after rex for me? you can take him duck hunting.

    luke says; sure.

    so the next weekend, luke brings rex out duck hunting with a bunch of his other friends.

    luke says; did you know that this dog can go down to that marsh and tell me how many ducks are down there?

    all of his friends called him on it.

    luke says; rex! go on down to the marsh and tell me how many ducks are down there.

    rex takes off running.

    he gone for about 10 min. rex runs up luke and instead of barking, he starts humping his leg. luke throws rex off.

    rex then picks up a stick, shakes it, drops it, then runs up to luke and starts humping his leg again! again luke throws him off.

    by now all of luke's friends are laughing at him. so luke gets in his truck with rex and leaves.

    brian gets back from his trip and goes over to luke's place to pick-up rex.

    luke tells brian about the humping and the shaking of the stick.

    brian says; oh!! i for got to tell you! when rex is humping your leg and shaking a stick, what he means is;

    there's more f*cking ducks down there than you can shake a stick at.

  • #2
    Re: jokes

    You canadians have a good sense of humor.
    Buy cheap, buy twice.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: jokes

      A man is walking by a construction site and his attention is immediately drawn to a guy with a wheelbarrow. The guy keeps on running like mad back and forth between two buildings pushing the wheelbarrow in front of him.

      - Hey! What happened? Why are you running like that?
      - Oh man, we're behind schedule and we're so busy today
      - Yes, but your wheelbarrow is empty!
      - Didn't I just tell you we're busy? We're so much behind the schedule that I don't even have the time to fill the damned thing.
      In order to understand recursion, one must first understand recursion.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: jokes

        Two Story Outhouse
        !!!


        Words fail me !!!

        This picture is worth
        10,000 of them..



        Yep!!!
        This pretty much says it all..no words necessary!
        Great Link for a Construction Owner/Tradesmen, and just say Garager sent you....

        http://www.contractorspub.com

        A good climbing rope will last you 3 to 5 years, a bad climbing rope will last you a life time !!!

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: jokes

          what do call a eskimo peeping tom?

          tommy tookalook.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: jokes

            Guy, for no reason, brings home a huge bouquet of flowers for his wife. The wife loves them and after OOOHing and AAAAHHing about the flowers finally says, "Now I suppose I have to open my legs." Guy says, "Why? Don't we have a vase?"

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: jokes

              What do you do when you are on a horse and see a lion and a giraffe next to you ? Time to get your drunken self off the carousel

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: jokes

                what do us eskimos get when we sit too long on the ice? polaroids.

                --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                a bear walks into a bar and says to the barkeep; i would like a rum,...............and coke.

                the barkeep says; what up with the pause?

                the bear says; i was born with them.

                --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                why did the canadian politician cross the road?

                he didn't. he only went half way.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: jokes

                  tommy took-a-look (the eskimo peeping tom) gets a loan from the bank to buy a truck.

                  he jumps on a plane headed south to buy it.

                  he's walking down the street and he comes upon a truck dealership.

                  he notices a brand new truck that has a $1000.00 price tag on it and it states, "as is".

                  he askes the truck dealer what's wrong with the truck.

                  the dealer says that it leaks oil like nobody's business.

                  tommy slaps down his $1000 bucks and drives away.

                  sure enough, tommy notices the oil gauge dropping very fast so the pulls into a garage to have the truck looked at and repaired.

                  the mechanic tells tommy that it's going to be at least an hour before he can tell him what's wrong with it.

                  tommy decides to kill the hour by going for a walk.

                  during his walk he comes across a ice cream shop that sells soft ice cream.

                  tommy buys a cone then eats it not realizing he got ice cream all over his beard and mustach.

                  go goes back to the garage after a hour to see what the mechanic found out about the truck.

                  the mechanic tells him he blew a seal.

                  tommy then realizes he's got ice cream on himself and says; No no no no no, it's only ice cream!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: jokes

                    A man walks into a diner and orders a hamburger.

                    The waitress, a large woman, opens the freezer, take out a burger and puts it under her arm.

                    The man asks "What's up with that?" and she replies "I gotta defrost the burger first."

                    Customer at the counter looks up from his paper and says "Cancel my hot dog."

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: jokes

                      Originally posted by tchads View Post
                      A man walks into a diner and orders a hamburger.

                      The waitress, a large woman, opens the freezer, take out a burger and puts it under her arm.

                      The man asks "What's up with that?" and she replies "I gotta defrost the burger first."

                      Customer at the counter looks up from his paper and says "Cancel my hot dog."
                      And I was looking forward to having some Hot dogs today!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: jokes

                        how do you cook kidney?

                        boil the p!ss out of it.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: jokes

                          Great duck joke Vince.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: jokes

                            drunk was walking down the sidewalk pulling a tow chain, and finally was stopped by some one and asked why are you pulling that chain, and the drunk replied,
                            "Have you ever tried to push one,"
                            Push sticks/blocks Save Fingers
                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
                            "The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good."
                            attributed to Samuel Johnson
                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
                            PUBLIC NOTICE: Due to recent budget cuts, the rising cost of electricity, gas, and oil...plus the current state of the economy............the light at the end of the tunnel, has been turned off.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: jokes

                              Three very pregnant ladies were talking to each other about their babies.

                              RED HEAD says, I'm going to have a boy because my husband was on top when I conceived.

                              BRUNNETTE says, well I'm going to have a girl because I was on top when I conceived.

                              The two ladies see the third one crying her eyes out and ask what in the world could be wrong

                              BLONDE says I'm going to have puppies!!

                              Comment

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