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A doctor has some trouble with the kitchen sink, on a public holiday. He calls the local plumber, only to be told that it`s his day off.
"But I get called out on my days off, too!" says the doctor, somewhat exasperated." So, the plumber relents.
The plumber arrives, and glances over the sink, looking preoccupied. He mumbles something about golf, then hands the doctor a couple of aspirin and walks out, saying, "Put these in. If it doesn`t clear up in 24 hours, call me tomorrow."
It was the first day of school and a new student named Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said "Give me Liberty, or give me Death?" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Martinez, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775." "Very good! Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth'"? Again, no response except from Martinez: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863.", said Martinez. The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Martinez, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do." She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans." "Who said that?" she demanded. Martinez put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836." At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glares and asks "All right! Now, who said that?" Again, Martinez says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991." Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Martinez jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!" Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, "You little ****. If you say anything else, I'll kill you." Martinez frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001." The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh ****, we're in BIG trouble!" Martinez said, "Saddam Hussein 2003."
I wanted to post this on the jokes thread but it appears to be closed. Since this one is started by Vince the Plumber and the story is about the dangers plumbers face it may be a good place to post it. One thing though, it's not really a joke but a true story I read in a Law Magazine back in the home country.
There was a couple. They lived in a condo apartment. Things were cool 'cept the drain pipe under the kitchen sink leaked. Not a whole lot, so the totally non-handy hubby managed to control it by using... nope, not a duct tape but... a bucket under the drain pipe.
The wife wasn't happy about the solution and began to make increasingly hostile jokes about her husband who could not handle even the simplest home repair tasks.
One day she comes back home, enters the kitchen and wow! Hubby working under the sink, only his rear end sticking out from inside the cabinet. The wife was so happy she came up to the sink stuck her hand between the hubby's thighs and grabbed him somewhat towards the frontal parts.
The problem was that it was a hubby indeed, but not hers. Her husband, fed up with constant complaints (he didn't mind the bucket) called for a plumber so his wife, on that fateful day grabbed another man's balls. The plumber got startled, made a wrong move and got injured on his head. They called 911 and paramedics came in promptly.
As luck sometimes has it, the elevator was out of order on that day so the paramedics had to carry the poor plumber 3 floors down on the stretcher. In the process a smalltalk ensued and they asked the victim about what happened. When they heard the story they started laughing so hard they couldn't control the stretcher so they let it out of their hands. The plumber sustained 3 broken ribs.
For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His
father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is
$80,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford
The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door
with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"
Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night heard
you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait
because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by
myself with an $80,000 mortgage & no bike!"
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife turning back and forth, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her
birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday. I'd like to be six again, she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags
theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took
her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie,
popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's.
What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his
wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well Dear, what was it like being six again?"
Her eyes slowly opened and her _expression suddenly changed. "I meant my dress size, you dumb a**!" The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.