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apollogy to robber

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  • apollogy to robber

    "I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.

    I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?

    I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.

    I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it. Oh well.

    So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry. Peace!


  • #2
    Re: apollogy to robber

    Funny little story, my uncle who lives in Florida sent it to me months ago. I get the feeling since the guy mentions he's White that he is talking to a Black man? Hey, maybe I'm wrong, Blacks commit plenty of crime against Blacks and there's no shortage of White against White crime either. Last year in my home state of CT we had a home invasion. Two career criminal White guys broke into a home, beat the Dad and repeatedly raped his wife and two daughters. They took their time and then had the Mom withdraw money from her ATM before setting the house on fire and killing the Mom and two young girls. The Dad escaped and must live with this horror the rest of his life. The two White criminals have pleaded "Not Guilty". OH, they crashed their car into a police car while trying to escape. Bring back a speedy trial and the death sentence. Black or white doesn't really matter, human filth comes in all colors.

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    • #3
      Re: apollogy to robber

      Best....apology....letter....EVER.

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      • #4
        Re: apollogy to robber

        Originally posted by Frankiarmz View Post
        Funny little story, my uncle who lives in Florida sent it to me months ago. I get the feeling since the guy mentions he's White that he is talking to a Black man? Hey, maybe I'm wrong, Blacks commit plenty of crime against Blacks and there's no shortage of White against White crime either. Last year in my home state of CT we had a home invasion. Two career criminal White guys broke into a home, beat the Dad and repeatedly raped his wife and two daughters. They took their time and then had the Mom withdraw money from her ATM before setting the house on fire and killing the Mom and two young girls. The Dad escaped and must live with this horror the rest of his life. The two White criminals have pleaded "Not Guilty". OH, they crashed their car into a police car while trying to escape. Bring back a speedy trial and the death sentence. Black or white doesn't really matter, human filth comes in all colors.
        And Frankie, as right as you are, also know that there's no better feeling than the righteous application of a pure beat-down on said filth (obviously within the measures of the law, of course, and justifiable force, etc., etc., and all that other libertarian crap. "Please, Mr. Scumbag, please oh please feel free to resist arrest and try to assault me - I WELCOME IT.") I don't need coffee anymore.
        Last edited by canucksartech; 07-13-2009, 12:48 PM.

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        • #5
          Re: apollogy to robber

          It's a nice story but I think it may not be true.

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          • #6
            Re: apollogy to robber

            This may be a character flaw, but I would have kept the cash.

            With all the news here about teenagers committing armed robberies with guns, I didnt think people committed armed robbery with knives anymore. So I went looking and found this story about a guy who used a putty knife and a lighter.

            People are so stupid.

            Man tries to rob Uptown house with putty knife, lighter

            by Times-Picayune staff Monday February 18, 2008, 12:57 PM


            In the annals of armed robbery, few perpetrators have employed the novel combination of weapons used on Friday by David Ellis, who was caught soonafter the botched caper on his get-away bicycle.
            Ellis, 28, of 8611½ Green Street, walked into a home in the 7900 block of Plum Street, entering through an unlocked door. He apparently neglected to bring a weapon, however, and so "armed himself with a 'putty knife'" inside the victim's home, according a report released by NOPD's 2nd District.
            The victim, apparently somewhat less than terrified, then tangled with Ellis, sustaining a cut to his forearm and shoulder in the process.
            Ellis then reached for his next weapon: The lighter in his pocket.
            Now he threatened to burn down the house, police said.
            Ellis tried to make good on the threat, lighting a stack of newspapers on his way out the door before mounting his bicycle and fleeing. (The house didn't catch fire; Ellis, however, did manage to catch an arson charge, in addition to one for burglary.)
            Police officers caught up with Ellis at Cambronne and Green streets.
            Anyone with further information on this case can contact Sgt. Rick Pari or Det. Tim Bender at 658-6022 or 658-6020. Callers can also contact Crimestoppers anonymously at 822-1111.

            Lenny

            Pronounced A-Bear Drain Care

            I know, it doesn't make sense.


            http://www.hebertdraincare.com

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