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What's that tool for?

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  • What's that tool for?

    These may already be posted elsewhere, but they just hit my inbox this a.m. This guy has obviously been in my shop. Enjoy.



    DRILL PRESS
    A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
    WIRE WHEEL
    Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, “Oh, sh –“
    SKILL SAW
    A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
    PLIERS
    Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
    BELT SANDER
    An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
    HACKSAW
    One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle… It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
    VISE GRIPS
    Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
    OXYACETYLENE TORCH
    Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race…
    TABLE SAW
    A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
    HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK
    Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
    BAND SAW
    A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
    TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST
    A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
    PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER
    Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
    STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER
    A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.
    PRY BAR
    A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
    HOSE CUTTER
    A tool used to make hoses too short.
    HAMMER
    Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object we are trying to hit.
    UTILITY KNIFE
    Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund cheques, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
    SON OF A B*TCH TOOL
    Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling “Son of a b*tch” at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
    "Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied." Mark Twain

  • #2
    Re: What's that tool for?

    Add Nail Gun to the list - Tool used to attach hand to Framing, therefore preventing falling accidents as your hand is now firmly attached to the rafter you were hanging.

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    • #3
      Re: What's that tool for?

      just ask ben



      "i've been shot"

      rick.
      phoebe it is

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      • #4
        Re: What's that tool for?

        I have been guilty of every on of those items.... I still have one or 2 cans of old oil. Man I'm looking forward to splashing myself with it when I open it. I've no idea where the old spout might be for them. No matter as a kid I would always crush the side of the can trying to insert the spout anyway.

        P.S. nice pic Rick ouch

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