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  • #31
    Re: Please read RE:me

    Originally posted by drtyhands View Post
    Isn't it great?
    Little spice to add character.

    So much more to life than what's on the surface of an image or a first impression.

    You scared now.
    No, not scared now. Was scared before - had to sic my little guy on you to help keep me and his mother safe.

    "Little spice"? Try a whole-lotta. Now, all you have to do is get a short haircut, and you just may fit in with the rest of us civilized folk yet!!!

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    • #32
      Re: Please read RE:me

      Good friends here.
      Sometimes I wish there wasn't so many miles between all of us.

      Comment


      • #33
        Re: Please read RE:me

        Just seeing this post for the first time as I have not been on much lately.

        Get well Gene, we're all rooting for ya!
        "It's a table saw, do you know where your fingers are?" Bob D. 2006

        https://www.youtube.com/user/PowerToolInstitute

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        • #34
          Re: Please read RE:me

          Powerful Post Gene!

          That first step was a big one!
          Make sure you get to that meeting and get the fellowship that you need.
          411 Plumb Appliance Stimulus Package

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          • #35
            Re: Please read RE:me

            I have a question. I fear I may be taking the seat Mr. "Gene" here is starting to leave vacant. While I don't believe I have a problem drinking, I feel as though I have problems that cause me to drink. At what point does one say, "Enough is enough!", while still be able to afford things like a roof, food on a plate, and prevent financial loss to employers?

            Now, I know I have had this conversation before with a few people here, and they know whom they are, but this time, it just seems different. I can't shake the feeling that my issues do not stem from things I have done, nor mistakes I have made, but from things I haven't done, in the name of preventing mistakes I would have made, however in doing so was in fact the very mistake I was making. Thus everything I do simply feels so, very, empty.

            My work improves homes that I do not live in, as well as allow businesses, that I am not employed by, to improve performance. Yet any failure to do so not only hurts my employer, but the client, and finally myself in some way or another. Any and every mistake I make and/or cause costs time and money. While money can always be recovered, time, once spent, cannot. Thus my work ethic is based on "Do no harm." Only I have have demonstrated time and again my ineptitude to uphold such a moral has caused the very things I have often try to prevent. Perhaps it is because I seem to have a compulsion to "Save the world".

            While I have been deemed "THAT GUY!" a few times, I sometimes wonder if I followed the "dumb luck" I sometimes I seem to have, that I can truely make this world an easier place to live in, at least for a few people, while gaining nothing for myself, however something I can live with. Two opportunities have recently surfaced to my attention. A woman, whom is a tenent of my employer of a four family he owns, has two children, and a problem with paying the rent on time, if at all due to the economy seemed to me in need of a lifeline. This woman (Whom is as beautiful as she is athetlic), needs only six more months in college in order to get her teaching certificate and a four year degree, from a college that is literally only one thousand feet from my house. However, she owes thousands of dollars to the college, which in turn prevents the institution from accepting her again, plus her children prevents her from affording their services. If I asked for her hand in marriage, and she accepts, I can sign over my GI Bill benefits for her to return and complete her certificate program, and get the Gymnastics teaching position at a health center that is also within fifteen minutes from my home. Instead of being in debt and damn near homeless, I can save this woman, enable her career, get her out of an apartment, into a house, amd god dammit, have someone say "Welcome home" after a hard day's work after I arrive. Unfortunately this assumes everything works the way it is suppose to, which the government clearly demonstrates it cannot. Though when I shared this idea with my mother, she responded, "Are you NUTS?" "What if she divorces you after she gets what she wants?" "You gain nothing after this!" "Don't bear the problems of someone elses mistakes!" The first child may have been an 'oops', but the second?"

            The second opportunity came today when my shop super for the military called asking if I was willing to voluteer for ninty days in Haiti for the relief effort. While I would like to go, I know for certain my employer's default answer is a firm "No". These are the issues I have to deal with on a daily basis. Do I ask her to marry me out of convienence while risking everything? Is she worth the risk to begin with? Do I dare risk my employment in this awful economy to do my part to save the lives of others, while I may not be able to afford a home of my own if I do so? Worst of all though, while perhaps I can answer yes to those questions, the one question that throws everything into doubt is, "Would doing such things be a mistake in the first place knowing that you lack the intellectual capacity to know for certain what's right in the first place?"

            The thing I fear the most is my own imcompentance, combined with my compultion to fix things, that will eventually lead to the ruin of everything. So, I turn to various forms of liquid courage to ease the nights after a hard day's of a job gone wrong.

            Comment


            • #36
              Re: Please read RE:me

              Originally posted by tailgunner View Post
              The second opportunity came today when my shop super for the military called asking if I was willing to voluteer for ninty days in Haiti for the relief effort. While I would like to go, I know for certain my employer's default answer is a firm "No". These are the issues I have to deal with on a daily basis. Do I ask her to marry me out of convienence while risking everything? Is she worth the risk to begin with? Do I dare risk my employment in this awful economy to do my part to save the lives of others, while I may not be able to afford a home of my own if I do so? Worst of all though, while perhaps I can answer yes to those questions, the one question that throws everything into doubt is, "Would doing such things be a mistake in the first place knowing that you lack the intellectual capacity to know for certain what's right in the first place?"
              If a marriage is about convenience, then it isn't going to last. Without a deep personal connection, let's call it love, I can't imagine how you would put up with the trials of life and stay together.

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              • #37
                Re: Please read RE:me

                Originally posted by tailgunner View Post
                I have a question. I fear I may be taking the seat Mr. "Gene" here is starting to leave vacant. While I don't believe I have a problem drinking, I feel as though I have problems that cause me to drink. At what point does one say, "Enough is enough!", while still be able to afford things like a roof, food on a plate, and prevent financial loss to employers?

                Now, I know I have had this conversation before with a few people here, and they know whom they are, but this time, it just seems different. I can't shake the feeling that my issues do not stem from things I have done, nor mistakes I have made, but from things I haven't done, in the name of preventing mistakes I would have made, however in doing so was in fact the very mistake I was making. Thus everything I do simply feels so, very, empty.

                My work improves homes that I do not live in, as well as allow businesses, that I am not employed by, to improve performance. Yet any failure to do so not only hurts my employer, but the client, and finally myself in some way or another. Any and every mistake I make and/or cause costs time and money. While money can always be recovered, time, once spent, cannot. Thus my work ethic is based on "Do no harm." Only I have have demonstrated time and again my ineptitude to uphold such a moral has caused the very things I have often try to prevent. Perhaps it is because I seem to have a compulsion to "Save the world".

                While I have been deemed "THAT GUY!" a few times, I sometimes wonder if I followed the "dumb luck" I sometimes I seem to have, that I can truely make this world an easier place to live in, at least for a few people, while gaining nothing for myself, however something I can live with. Two opportunities have recently surfaced to my attention. A woman, whom is a tenent of my employer of a four family he owns, has two children, and a problem with paying the rent on time, if at all due to the economy seemed to me in need of a lifeline. This woman (Whom is as beautiful as she is athetlic), needs only six more months in college in order to get her teaching certificate and a four year degree, from a college that is literally only one thousand feet from my house. However, she owes thousands of dollars to the college, which in turn prevents the institution from accepting her again, plus her children prevents her from affording their services. If I asked for her hand in marriage, and she accepts, I can sign over my GI Bill benefits for her to return and complete her certificate program, and get the Gymnastics teaching position at a health center that is also within fifteen minutes from my home. Instead of being in debt and damn near homeless, I can save this woman, enable her career, get her out of an apartment, into a house, amd god dammit, have someone say "Welcome home" after a hard day's work after I arrive. Unfortunately this assumes everything works the way it is suppose to, which the government clearly demonstrates it cannot. Though when I shared this idea with my mother, she responded, "Are you NUTS?" "What if she divorces you after she gets what she wants?" "You gain nothing after this!" "Don't bear the problems of someone elses mistakes!" The first child may have been an 'oops', but the second?"

                The second opportunity came today when my shop super for the military called asking if I was willing to voluteer for ninty days in Haiti for the relief effort. While I would like to go, I know for certain my employer's default answer is a firm "No". These are the issues I have to deal with on a daily basis. Do I ask her to marry me out of convienence while risking everything? Is she worth the risk to begin with? Do I dare risk my employment in this awful economy to do my part to save the lives of others, while I may not be able to afford a home of my own if I do so? Worst of all though, while perhaps I can answer yes to those questions, the one question that throws everything into doubt is, "Would doing such things be a mistake in the first place knowing that you lack the intellectual capacity to know for certain what's right in the first place?"

                The thing I fear the most is my own imcompentance, combined with my compultion to fix things, that will eventually lead to the ruin of everything. So, I turn to various forms of liquid courage to ease the nights after a hard day's of a job gone wrong.
                Tailgunner, I'm rarely at a lack for words and this is no different. You are faced with serious life decisions, to discuss the merits of each would take pages. I have my thoughts on these matters and you have yours. I am sure of one thing, one truth that impacts all of your decisons or dilemnas, a clear mind free of drugs and alcohol is the way to go forward. There will come a time in the future when you will question each and every decision you've made and at that time you should rest assured that you did what you felt was right at the time, and you did so with a clear head. No regrets!

                Comment


                • #38
                  Re: Please read RE:me

                  Got no great wisdom for you man.

                  I think that you are lonely, having some depression, and focus on the negative rather than the positive.

                  Often thinking "what about me, I'm doing everything right and not getting the results I deserve...."

                  "And that guy has this, that, & the other and doesn't deserve it!"

                  That's a recipe for just total unhappiness in my book.

                  If your depression is proven chemical, you might need to see a physician. If not, I want to tell you to deal with it. Like I said though, I've got no great wisdom.

                  Those "successful" people you see, I know them. I know their accountants too. Many are a paycheck away from losing that car and that house.

                  That happy marriage? You don't know. You don't live there. Most of the people that I know that have been married are divorced or wish they were. Don't get me wrong, I believe when it's right it's the best thing in the world for two people.

                  Just don't be over envious of what you perceive to be others' better lives.

                  Finally, I'll say this gunner:

                  Stop comparing yourself to anyone else for any reason. Work on you regardless of what others do.

                  I don't want to silence any rebuttal, but I do think that arguing against what I put in bold is continuing to follow your destructive pattern.

                  J.C.

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Re: Please read RE:me

                    Originally posted by JCsPlumbing View Post
                    Stop comparing yourself to anyone else for any reason. Work on you regardless of what others do.
                    I think that is pretty good advice. I don't think I necessarily follow it as well as I should.

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Re: Please read RE:me

                      Tailgunner, regarding your marriage situation. Guys do marry women who have children by another man and sometimes those relationships work out fine. The dynamics are very different and much more complicated than having your own children, it's difficlut enough to discipline or give advice to my own children without my wife trying to interrupt me or come to their defense. I can hear it now"Those are Not your children!". Forget about being a savior for a moment, is there Love, caring and romance? Can you take a backset to the needs of her children? Do you want her to feel love or be indebted to you? Starting a marriage in financial debt is a bad idea! Your Mom means well, don't assume she does not understand the complications and risks. Don't take this the wrong way, but as much as I think you are a hardworking, brave and generous man, I think like many folks you need the benefit of a professioanl therapist to help you work out some difficulties. You are taking on too much as it is, the stress will hurt you eventually. Why not live with her a while, no legal bonds and see how it goes? Best of luck.

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Re: Please read RE:me

                        Originally posted by tailgunner View Post
                        I have a question. I fear I may be taking the seat Mr. "Gene" here is starting to leave vacant. While I don't believe I have a problem drinking, I feel as though I have problems that cause me to drink. At what point does one say, "Enough is enough
                        And those problems only grow from drinking, eventually causing you to drink more and more without even realizing it. Then you reach a point where your drinking so much you are disgusted with yourself, so you drink even more. Enough was enough for me several months ago but it apparently wasn't enough to make me stop. What did it for me was the sight of my daughter in tears, not because I was mean to her, but because she was scared for me.

                        Someone from the forum PM'ed me this link (i assume he wishes to remain anonymous) to a brand new website (still under construction). You might want to check out the alcoholism and depression heading. I found it pretty informative and insightful.

                        http://911addiction.com
                        INSIGHT PIPE is now Maine Drain Serving most of ME with no charge for travel! 207-431-6232 is nolonger a working # our NEW # is 207-355-1476
                        Sewer main snaking (roto rooting). Sink clogs. Sewer backup. Pipe inspection/locating. No Dig trenchless repair. Root clog removal.We are NOT to replace your local Plumber, as we do not do plumbing. WE ARE YOUR DRAIN CLEANING EXPERTS!!! www.sewermaine.com waterville winslow bangor augusta skowhegan fairfield pittsfield oakland

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                        • #42
                          Re: Please read RE:me

                          how are you doing Gene ,i hope tings are going well with you
                          i know how hard it is for you because my dad had a problem with drinking and my mom and dad split when i was 15 .the years before that were hard on us whene he was drinking he was a different person ,a bad drunk .but when he did not drink he was nice and we had fun
                          20 years after he moved out i found out he was living a couple hours away so i called and said he should come over to see my wife and kids ,he did . but as we were talking he would talk about the parties he would have once a month [ with drinking ] he never changed .so after a couple of this he went home and i never made contact again because he did not change

                          you have a choice and your making the right one .my dad did not have support like you do with friends that live close to you and friends on a forum ,so keep your head up and you can pull it off
                          i dont drink at all because i dont want to be like him
                          Charlie

                          My seek the peek fundraiser page
                          http://observatory.mountwashington.o...nal&fr_id=1040


                          http://www.mountwashington.org/weather/conditions.php

                          new work pictures 12/09
                          http://public.fotki.com/hvachawk/

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                          • #43
                            Re: Please read RE:me

                            With sobriety comes relapse...it happens quite often and I can dismiss any one talent saying 5-15-25-40 years of sobriety is what you will have.

                            It's a daily thing, and there are no guarantees.

                            You cannot gauge your success by anothers, ever.

                            Prepare yourself mentally for a relapse as you'll enter a far more destructive path, trying to justify and manage it.


                            I've fallen off the wagon 3 different times since 1986. My longest stint now is 8 years but I cannot say I'll be sober tomorrow. No one can in their own life.


                            I learned more about the disease by relapsing than I did any other way. But I liked weed, way too much. Hell they're making it legal so will I be smoking it again? Not if I can help it.

                            It's not good for me, too addictive.
                            Last edited by DUNBAR PLUMBING; 01-29-2010, 08:18 PM.
                            Northern Kentucky Plumbers Twitter Feed | Plumbing Videos

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                            • #44
                              Re: Please read RE:me

                              Wow, what a great forum. This is such a great thread. You know you have friends here, friends that really care. I guess turning that Irish blood to the job can work for the best. Keep up the fight!
                              I put it all back together better than before. There\'s lots of leftover parts.

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                              • #45
                                Re: Please read RE:me

                                Thanks guys.
                                Everything is going pretty good. It's amazing how much more positive I feel now.

                                It's kind of a cliché but the hard part was recognizing I have a problem.
                                I'm not a mean drunk, sometime I wish I was. It just seams like it would be so much easier to see how my drinking effects the people around me and me. Now that my head is out of the fog I can see how drinking myself silly 24-7 effects me, my family, my business and even my friendships.

                                Every now and then the thought pops into my mind that I'm loosing something I enjoy, or I didn't bother anyone when I was drinking so whats the big deal, or if only I didn't drink so much that night etc...
                                Then I realize how much I've gained in just a few days by not drinking.

                                Weed: One of my friends says I need to go on "the Marijuana Maintenance Program". I say no thanks. I've only smoked a couple of times. once I ended up in the top floor of the barn in the fetal position for 3 hrs and the other time I spent 4 hrs keeping my eyes on the lake waves to make sure they didn't sneak up on me. It's like taking a hit of LSD for me. I'm going to have to pass on that.
                                INSIGHT PIPE is now Maine Drain Serving most of ME with no charge for travel! 207-431-6232 is nolonger a working # our NEW # is 207-355-1476
                                Sewer main snaking (roto rooting). Sink clogs. Sewer backup. Pipe inspection/locating. No Dig trenchless repair. Root clog removal.We are NOT to replace your local Plumber, as we do not do plumbing. WE ARE YOUR DRAIN CLEANING EXPERTS!!! www.sewermaine.com waterville winslow bangor augusta skowhegan fairfield pittsfield oakland

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