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  • Opinions needed

    I no this is not Plumbing but anyway. My Son is set to go to High School next year. I want to send him to an excellent private college. However in order to afford this I want concessions made. I am making huge sacrifices persoinally to make this happen. I want three cats and horses to go so as our finances are put to education rather than waste. My partner doesnt want to comply.

    My Question is, "are animals more important than a good education, potentially the foundations to our childrens future ? ". Over here the public schools are OK but like many places under resourced.

    Am I being unreasonable or are cats more important than education??

  • #2
    Re: Opinions needed

    Originally posted by Cleanmen2 View Post
    I no this is not Plumbing but anyway. My Son is set to go to High School next year. I want to send him to an excellent private college. However in order to afford this I want concessions made. I am making huge sacrifices persoinally to make this happen. I want three cats and horses to go so as our finances are put to education rather than waste. My partner doesnt want to comply.

    My Question is, "are animals more important than a good education, potentially the foundations to our childrens future ? ". Over here the public schools are OK but like many places under resourced.

    Am I being unreasonable or are cats more important than education??
    Am I the only person in the world that DID NOT receive ONE DIME from my parents nor relatives to attend college?

    I;m going to tell you this straight in the eye; what is the one thing that the airlines tell parents to do in the event of a mid-flight emergency? The answer: Put the mask on yourself FIRST, THEN your children second!

    You need to be able to save yourself first before you can even think about saving others. If your children are serious about attending college, then they need to be able to provide for themselves to do it. If you wish to provide an "assist" , then that is all well and good, but God Damn, THEY NEED to provide their own effort WITHOUT YOUR HELP.

    I had to scrape every dime off the street I could find, enlist in the military, go on deployments, and work 30+ hours a week while paying not only FULL TIME college expenses, but car insurance at $1,300 a year just for liability. All my parents did was keep a roof over my head, and nothing else.

    Lead your own life, your kids can live their own.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Opinions needed

      Originally posted by Cleanmen2 View Post
      My Son is set to go to High School next year. I want to send him to an excellent private college.
      Did you mean to say college or are we talking a private high school here?

      Originally posted by Cleanmen2 View Post
      However in order to afford this I want concessions made. I am making huge sacrifices persoinally to make this happen. I want three cats and horses to go so as our finances are put to education rather than waste. My partner doesnt want to comply.
      Horses CAN be a significant expense, if you need to pay boarding and riding lessons, etc.

      But any decision that involves the entire family needs to be jointly made between you and your partner. No one can offer a valid perspective on your question because we don't know how important the role of the horses are to your partner and/or the other members of your family. You need to reach an *agreement* with your partner on this.

      Keep in mind that no matter what anyone on the internet says, YOU will have to live with the resentment that you can very easily create if you force an issue like this. It can be a very steep price to pay.

      As for the cats... hmmm... cats are very cheap pets. Yes I appreciate that every dollar counts, but many people become very attached to their pets. If your partner is attached to her kitties, then you would be better off by giving up pizza night once a month (or something similar) and let her keep her little furry friends. Negotiate the solution, don't fixate or be hung up on the cats.

      Originally posted by Cleanmen2 View Post
      My Question is, "are animals more important than a good education, potentially the foundations to our childrens future ? ". Over here the public schools are OK but like many places under resourced.
      As long as the public schools are ok, my advice is don't get too hung up on private schools. Every parent wants the best for their kids, but the fact is that "private" is sometimes "better" but not always! What is much, much, MUCH more important is that the student puts in the disciplined, consistent effort needed to do well. As parents, you should stay involved, stay on top of how the kid is doing (they b*tch like mad but deep inside they appreciate it), motivate the kid with a positive attitude, and most importantly, keep expectations for good results (i.e., grades) consistently high. A good kid and good parents is waaaay more important than paying fat tuition at a private school. If the kid OR the parent drops the ball then all the tuition money in the world won't matter in the least.

      I have 3 kids. They all went to private grade school, two went to public HS and one went to a private HS. There was, in all honesty, not a lick of difference in the quality of education... because in the end, (assuming a decent public school) it's about the KID not the SCHOOL.

      Originally posted by Cleanmen2 View Post
      Am I being unreasonable or are cats more important that education??
      Honestly, it's probably not the right question to be asking.

      Look.... pick your battles wisely. It's all too easy to fight a battle where you actaully lose more by winning. In the end, you know your situation, not me. But keep in mind that a partner is... a partner. They should get an equal vote, no? You have to respect that everyone in the family needs and deserves what is important to them. If you jointly decide that private school is what you need for your kid, then go for it, but get your partner's suggestions on how to make it happen. There are lots of opportunities to save money in many different places.

      My opinion only. Good luck.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Opinions needed

        Originally posted by Cleanmen2 View Post
        I no this is not Plumbing but anyway. My Son is set to go to High School next year. I want to send him to an excellent private college. However in order to afford this I want concessions made. I am making huge sacrifices persoinally to make this happen. I want three cats and horses to go so as our finances are put to education rather than waste. My partner doesnt want to comply.

        My Question is, "are animals more important than a good education, potentially the foundations to our childrens future ? ". Over here the public schools are OK but like many places under resourced.

        Am I being unreasonable or are cats more important than education??
        If your son has the ability and is willing to study he will succeed at any school whether private or government and private are not the best schools to go to as I went to a couple of them but the school I went to and the school that made of me was a governmnet technical school and all the others was a waste of my fathers money.

        Tony

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        • #5
          Re: Opinions needed

          if one is going to weigh the comparison of pets and eduction, in 50 years the education will most likely win out,

          but for right now pets may win out,

          I do not know who pets these are, kids or your partners,

          but I know when my kids were in high school they spend a lot of time with the horses,
          and animals,

          High school and adolescences is a tough time in life, and some times having pets can be the difference of sanity and going off the deep end,
          Animals do not judge or ridicule or care if you passed the test or got the home work right, (now I can't say cats or most horses really want to see you, unlike a dog), but the animals can be as much of that growing and learning process, as setting in class,

          First of all grow your children as people and then guide them in there education, yes ever parent wants there kids to be the smartest and the brightest in the area, and want the best for them,
          but some times what we think is the best direction for them, is not what is best for them as persons.
          Push sticks/blocks Save Fingers
          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
          "The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good."
          attributed to Samuel Johnson
          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
          PUBLIC NOTICE: Due to recent budget cuts, the rising cost of electricity, gas, and oil...plus the current state of the economy............the light at the end of the tunnel, has been turned off.

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          • #6
            Re: Opinions needed

            Get a new girl. Get rid of the animals. Make your son pay for as much of his education as possible.

            There is no strength without struggle.

            J.C.

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            • #7
              Re: Opinions needed

              Your partners cats are likely off limits, and honestly they should be.

              as for the college, your son needs to make the decision that college is where he wants to go, not you. And, if that's the case he should be committed enough to come up with the bulk of the money himself, I can promise you, it won't be really appreciated any other way. Make the deal with your Son and your Partner. He pays for tuition, at a local college, you pay for his books, and he gets to live at home. If he wants something more extravagant than that, let him earn it.

              Again, I don't know you or your child, but it wasn't that long ago that I was looking at college, and it was an absolute waste of my Dad's money.
              No, it's not rocket science, it's plumbing and unlike rocket science it requires a license.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Opinions needed

                I have no idea what it costs to keep a horse but I can tell you, cats come pretty cheap.... unless he lives in my house. Over $6K in vet bills keeping him alive with diabetes and a heart condition for 3 years.

                I was the youngest of seven children so by the time I left high school, the college fund had evaporated. Continuing my education after high school was never really an option for me anyways. Jumped into the work force while most of my friends went off to big state colleges. I have outearned almost all of them to this point.

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                • #9
                  Re: Opinions needed

                  To answer the question as direct as possible, what's more important, your children or your animals? Your children of course!!!!!

                  You know, I grew up in a household where my father often said, "IF it's good enough for me, it's good enough for you."

                  Life for my father was pretty awful. The loss of a father at 12, the depression, World War 2, etc. My opportunities were much better than his ever were.... but not without his help, which wasn't there. Like him, I started working at a very early age, and I struggled with school. But I also struggle with him and my mother. While he didn't get out of high school, I did; but college wasn't to be spoken of and with no money and not time, my struggle became dealing with family problems too. Working my butt off to pay them room and board at 2/3 of what I could bring home. I can tell you that I did my damnest to get out of that house as early as I could.

                  So yeah, I made it out and I did okay, learning a lot on my own and with others... but without that "piece of paper" it was a struggle through my whole life. A degree would have no doubt earned me tens of thousands of dollars more a year and would have definitely kept me in my job, instead of being "let go" in my late 50's.

                  So anyone who tells you their kid can and should make it on their own or that they'll be stronger for it, is really putting themselves and their other interests first; and that's a pretty lousey in my book. I get rather sick to hear parents think like their responsibility ends when the kid hits their teens (or all to often, earlier).

                  I of course cannot speak for highschools in Australia. Here in the U.S., some are very good and others are terrible. In a typical, average highschool, I think a kid can exceed if they catch the eye of the right teachers and pick their peers wisely. But if they go the route of hanging with the wrong bunch, they won't stand a chance.

                  We have only one son and after much deliberation it was our decision that one child had to be enough. It was tough, but we knew that we could provide for one child on my limited income and not have to have the wife get a job too... her job as a homemaker and mother was certainly more important that that extra income. As a parent, our child was the most important responsibility we had. A child is not a hobby, to be lumped in and prioritized with other entertainment and interests. The child's welfare, sense of responsibility, togetherness, love, and sharing are extemely important. Their, gifts, promises, education, and chances for opportunity were never and should never be lower than anything else in the household. God did not give me a child so that I could neglect him or her in the face of any other interest.

                  With all of that goes our responsibility to educate him, and to provide for every opportunity of education, both formal and informal.

                  So, today my child is in his early forty's and he holds a Masters. His history has been outstandng to date and I am very proud of his achievements. He has stuggled to achieve these things and the challenges have been many. But I am proud to say that he has not had to struggle because he had no backing from us. He has not had to worry about his next meal, or his rent, or his tuition expenses. He has not had to struggle to pay off massive college loans either. Because we were there for him, his struggles were all fucused on his educational challenges... which is where they should have been.

                  So yes, you can tell the partner to keep the cats and the horses and let your son or daughter struggle and they will hopefully be strong because of it all. Hopefully you two will reach some kind of compromise that will assure you child's education and also a satisfactory life for the two of you. But know that the world is getting more and more competitive and jobs are scarce and the economy teeters and that is what your child faces.

                  But also know that your kid, if good, will struggle no matter what path he needs to follow.... you and your partner have a choice to let him struggle with just getting by, or to struggle with the challenges that a higher path will take them.

                  Struggling dose make you stronger...but should that struggle be to carve out a life in poverty, or in a higher field of endeavor?

                  CWS

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                  • #10
                    Re: Opinions needed

                    I think Andy M gave some of the best advice as to how to approach this problem. I know it's Mother's Day so I apologize for the following words, if your "partner" was a man you would not even be asking these questions! Women for the most part act on emotions more than reason, any monetary savings you would realize would be paid for several times over in agravation.

                    Chances are your reasonable argument would have carried more weight many years ago when women were dependant on their husband or partner, nowadays it's much too easy for them to divorce or break off the relationship.
                    Try to compromise if possible, but do pick your battles.

                    I do all sorts of things to save money, cut my own hair, buy my jeans at walmart for $8, and my wife is off spending big money on our daughter's clothing and stuff like cell phones, ipods,ect. If your spouse of partner is not onboard with your approach to raising children or finances, it is not an easy thing to change.

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                    • #11
                      Re: Opinions needed

                      CWS, the best way to answer that question is to put it into practice. I would like to attend Boston College, so may you please hand over $50,000 to me so we both can find out for certain?
                      Last edited by tailgunner; 05-09-2010, 07:25 PM.

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