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  • #16
    Re: Divorce?

    There's been a couple of comments about "hunters" and how "dangerous" they are.

    I suppose that is true in some manner. Personally, I sort of just consider them amusing. They're about as dangerous as Grizzlies, which at least for me are of no danger at all... I simply don't venture into Grizzly country and I have no hankering to hug one of them!

    I no time in my life have I considered myself to be a handsome guy, or even a "good catch"... but I also know that I'm not ugly either. I'm basically a nice guy, literate, talanted, good conversationalist, and a bit neat and well groomed. (My wife's considered opinion anyway!)

    I've been "flirted" with and on those occasions I do feel a bit flattered, but then knowing who and what I am, I immediately figure I'm pretty far down the list of other's that may have caught her eye first. Personally, I'm selfish... I don't like the idea of being one of many. So, no thanks.

    I don't know what it is about certain "religious" folks these days. Maybe it was always so. We have a very large church in our area... not quite one of those "mega" churches but certainly very large by almost any standard that I've grown up with.

    I don't know what they preach in that place, but I swear almost everyone that I know has this very self-centered appraisal of themselves. Apparently they see their God as one whose focus is on giving them the rewards in life... things that they alone, in their faith, are deserving off. Most of them are quick to tell you how "deserving" they are. I know one woman who has been married four times... she's selfish and is always taking advantage of some poor sap who will do things for her. Her feelings were that she deserved all of his favors... and that she also deserved someone who was much better (and better off) then he was. Lot's of so-called "ladies" like that I suppose. I decided then and there that she no longer deserved our friendship at all.

    CWS

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    • #17
      Re: Divorce?

      Originally posted by Frankiarmz View Post
      Several times over the years my wife has suggested to me that some of the other husbands were real great guys and family men. These guys were almost always white collar, upper wage earners and while they put on a good act several went down in flames cheating with coworkers or neighbors. I refer to them as my wife's heroes who are really zeros!
      Just look at the CEO of HP. He resigns in disgrace, because he slept with a contractor; then forged expense reports to hide it. Or even worse, Bob Moffat was an IBM Senior VP, often quoted as a possible CEO successor; and he gave insider info to a woman he was sleeping with who worked at a hedge fund. He just got sentenced to six months in prison.

      These guys who were at the top of the corporate world ruined their careers and families.

      Comment


      • #18
        Re: Divorce?

        Originally posted by cpw View Post
        Just look at the CEO of HP. He resigns in disgrace, because he slept with a contractor; then forged expense reports to hide it. Or even worse, Bob Moffat was an IBM Senior VP, often quoted as a possible CEO successor; and he gave insider info to a woman he was sleeping with who worked at a hedge fund. He just got sentenced to six months in prison.

        These guys who were at the top of the corporate world ruined their careers and families.
        I'm glad you said, "they ruined their careers", some would be quick to blame the women involved you know original sin and all that. I wish these rich ,powerful and or famous married men who get caught would come forward and instead of saying they have a sickness and are going for "rehabilitation" just say I enjoyed every second, everything about the other women was fantastic. We never get that honesty, just lies and poor excuses.

        Can we really imagine what it would be like to have such wealth and power, would it corrupt? Sure, I've had a few women hit on me over the years and it was easy to decline, but would the same be true if it was a constant happening? Can you and I be absolutely positive we would not stray under such conditions? I would like to think nothing could change my behavior, but unless I walked in the shoes of the rich and famous I don't know for sure.

        I only received a loud round of applause once in my life, when my wife and I were married. Sure felt empowering, now make that a daily occurance for an entertainer, or famous athlete. Add millions of dollars to that equation and a steady stream of willing, brazen females, and you have the formula for marital trouble.

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        • #19
          Re: Divorce?

          i have bin with my one and only wife for 22 years and dont plan on changing any thing

          she stayed home with the kids and i worked 2 jobs ,now she has a very good job and makes much more then me .so i cook dinner for her and i dont care .

          my kids asked when they were young why one of us did not live in another state so they could go to the others house for the summer ,most of there friends did not have a mom and dad living together ,we said sorry but the way we live it the the way it is supposed to be
          Charlie

          My seek the peek fundraiser page
          http://observatory.mountwashington.o...nal&fr_id=1040


          http://www.mountwashington.org/weather/conditions.php

          new work pictures 12/09
          http://public.fotki.com/hvachawk/

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          • #20
            Re: Divorce?

            Here is some food for thought. To save page space, I'll just link to the image. It's just a little thing I picked up in my online travels.

            http://home.comcast.net/~wkndwar100/...nomarriage.jpg

            You can disregard the top portion in blue, someone decided to add that.

            Comment


            • #21
              Re: Divorce?

              Originally posted by cpw View Post
              Just look at the CEO of HP. He resigns in disgrace, because he slept with a contractor; then forged expense reports to hide it. Or even worse, Bob Moffat was an IBM Senior VP, often quoted as a possible CEO successor; and he gave insider info to a woman he was sleeping with who worked at a hedge fund. He just got sentenced to six months in prison.

              These guys who were at the top of the corporate world ruined their careers and families.
              Were these women met in relation to their work (i.e. workplace related) or were they met randomly at the lunch counter?

              Thanks.

              J.C.

              Comment


              • #22
                Re: Divorce?

                Originally posted by Frankiarmz View Post
                I am a realist when it comes to marriage, failing relationships and divorce but at the same time I'm a hopeless romantic pulling for true love and marriages that endure.

                Several times over the years my wife has suggested to me that some of the other husbands were real great guys and family men. These guys were almost always white collar, upper wage earners and while they put on a good act several went down in flames cheating with coworkers or neighbors. I refer to them as my wife's heroes who are really zeros!

                I think struggle can be healthy for a marriage and the common goal to survive and overcome brings some couples toghter, however after a divorce things change for a lot of folks. I read the personals to see if someone else we know is divorced and looking, and it's sad to see how many of these aging moms with children at home are not looking for a kind, caring and hard working man. I read the same thing over and over, they are looking for a tall guy in shape who does not smoke, likes to dance, go to theatres, fine dining, vacation and makes over $150,000 a year. I tell my wife's diovrced friends that men with those qualifications are looking for younger, single women who also earn good money.

                There are the desperate divorced women who are husband hunting and they can be dangerous.

                While I keep hoping love can conquer all, I realize marriage is sometimes very sad and lonely. The times when we are out of sync can be punishing. That's why I suggest whatever works between consenting adults. Personally even if I had the green light from my wife to have an alterantive arangement, I am a one woman man.
                I know. Neighbors too. Wife was probably at work.

                J.C.

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                • #23
                  Re: Divorce?

                  Originally posted by JCsPlumbing View Post
                  Were these women met in relation to their work (i.e. workplace related) or were they met randomly at the lunch counter?

                  Thanks.

                  J.C.
                  I think the HP guy was fooling around with a coworker, but the IBM guy was not.

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Re: Divorce?

                    my parents have been married 51 years so far

                    rick.
                    phoebe it is

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Re: Divorce?

                      Originally posted by cpw View Post
                      I think the HP guy was fooling around with a coworker, but the IBM guy was not.
                      Moffat case.

                      Lawyers' quote: "That fact that what began as a professional relationship between Ms. Chiesi and himself became intimate is a transgression that haunts Bob terribly,"

                      They may not have necessarily received paychecks from the same company though.

                      And she was at work..... just saying.

                      J.C.

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Re: Divorce?

                        Originally posted by JCsPlumbing View Post
                        Moffat case.

                        Lawyers' quote: "That fact that what began as a professional relationship between Ms. Chiesi and himself became intimate is a transgression that haunts Bob terribly,"

                        They may not have necessarily received paychecks from the same company though.

                        And she was at work..... just saying.

                        J.C.
                        Society demands people in a professional relationship conduct themselves in a certain way, married people respect their vows, but I am certain these "transgressions" will continue until the end of man's time on earth.
                        Nature, or God has gifted man with the instinct to reproduce, have sex, the biology to become stimulated through our senses. I think it's a small wonder we accomplish as much as we do and maintain a civil and orderly society given the facts. We are in a struggle to suppress our natural behavior and conduct ourselves as something other than sexual beings.

                        Our domesticated pets, still transgress on occassion and in my opinion man will never be lose his nature and still be recognizable as the man we know today.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Re: Divorce?

                          Interesting thoughts from Adam, I wonder if divorce rates are tied in some part to our standard of living.

                          One thing I am certain of. most TV shows now glorify infidelity. So many shows are about the wife or husband in an unhappy relationship and how someone on the outside loves them more. Gets the audience rooting for them almost and glorifies the infatuation of the forbidden "love".

                          My take on divorce is that it will continue to climb. Most people are too selfish to survive marriage and usually get married for the wrong reasons. True happiness in marriage is caring more about your mate more than you do yourself and looking out for their happiness. If both sides take that same approach its an incredible experience.

                          I have only been married 7 years but I can honestly say my marriage with Helen is better every year.

                          Marriages will go through trials but good marriages get stronger when both partners are willing to grow.

                          Josh

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                          • #28
                            Re: Divorce?

                            Lots of interesting perspectives.

                            I agree that the trend over the past 30 or so years for women to enter the workforce rather than be stay at home wives and moms is a contributing factor. People are just people... have them work together very closely for 8 or 10 hours a day, sometimes under pressure, and there is temptation. If there's a bit of discontent at home or the other person is always at work... well... I'm not defending it in any way shape or form but there will always be some percentage of folks that will give in when faced with that day after day after day. Office romances, whether of the legtimate or cheating variety, are nothing new and will always happen.

                            Josh commmented that TV glorifies infidelity. I agree. TV also presents a very, very casual approach to sex. It's not a good thing IMO. Yes, sex is a recreational activity but I think there's a huge emotional component and it's true value comes where there is a relationship behind it. Like it or not, TV presents a picture that some people, especially kids, perceive as the way society really works. So I think they don't necessarily come away with the understanding that sex is part of a bigger picture rather than just a source of immediate fun. I think that presenting sex in the way that TV does is actually taking away something very valuable from the younger generations. It's allo just another example of the media creating and promoting the "gotta have it all and right now" mentality. Not good.

                            I think that marriages CAN get stronger over time. I also think that it is unrealistic to believe that it's entirely an issue of committment or devotion or whatever. People continue to develop and change during their entire life. It's a good thing. If the development and changes in values and attitudes complement each other, then I think the marriage will get stronger.

                            But many marriages have trouble or fall apart, not because of infidelity or drinking or any other bad behavior on anyone's part. Sometimes people just grow apart. Values that were important to both parties at the beginning become less important to one or both... or are replaced with values that conflict. Sometimes the differences can be worked out. Sometimes they are too serious. This doesn't make either party the bad guy. There doesn't always have to be a bad guy.
                            Last edited by Andy_M; 08-18-2010, 01:14 PM.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Re: Divorce?

                              Originally posted by Andy_M View Post
                              Lots of interesting perspectives.

                              But many marriages have trouble or fall apart, not because of infidelity or drinking or any other bad behavior on anyone's part. Sometimes people just grow apart. Values that were important to both parties at the beginning become less important to one or both... or are replaced with values that conflict. Sometimes the differences can be worked out. Sometimes they are too serious. This doesn't make either party the bad guy. There doesn't always have to be a bad guy.
                              I agree, but if the catholic church is weighing in as it does in many lives then Yes, there must be a gulity party "Bad Guy". The priest said divorce is evil and so are people who divorce, homosexual behavior is an abomination, women have no right to end a pregnancy, thou shalt not kill, and so on.

                              I lived that contradiction long enough and decided to think for myself and follow what I think is best and just! If my wife and I cannot live together peacefully and she and I decide to divorce then that is what will happen. If one of my daughters tells me she is gay, I will hug her and tell her I love her and hope she is happy. If someone rapes my daughter I will help her get an abortion if she so chooses and if I can I will kill the guilty party.

                              I know what is right and wrong, I will not go against my better judgement in hopes of eternal bliss. God gave me a brain with which to think and I have reached these conclusions with no regrets.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Re: Divorce?

                                Originally posted by Andy_M View Post
                                Lots of interesting perspectives.

                                I agree that the trend over the past 30 or so years for women to enter the workforce rather than be stay at home wives and moms is a contributing factor. People are just people... have them work together very closely for 8 or 10 hours a day, sometimes under pressure, and there is temptation. If there's a bit of discontent at home or the other person is always at work... well... I'm not defending it in any way shape or form but there will always be some percentage of folks that will give in when faced with that day after day after day. Office romances, whether of the legtimate or cheating variety, are nothing new and will always happen.

                                Josh commmented that TV glorifies infidelity. I agree. TV also presents a very, very casual approach to sex. It's not a good thing IMO. Yes, sex is a recreational activity but I think there's a huge emotional component and it's true value comes where there is a relationship behind it. Like it or not, TV presents a picture that some people, especially kids, perceive as the way society really works. So I think they don't necessarily come away with the understanding that sex is part of a bigger picture rather than just a source of immediate fun. I think that presenting sex in the way that TV does is actually taking away something very valuable from the younger generations. It's allo just another example of the media creating and promoting the "gotta have it all and right now" mentality. Not good.

                                I think that marriages CAN get stronger over time. I also think that it is unrealistic to believe that it's entirely an issue of committment or devotion or whatever. People continue to develop and change during their entire life. It's a good thing. If the development and changes in values and attitudes complement each other, then I think the marriage will get stronger.

                                But many marriages have trouble or fall apart, not because of infidelity or drinking or any other bad behavior on anyone's part. Sometimes people just grow apart. Values that were important to both parties at the beginning become less important to one or both... or are replaced with values that conflict. Sometimes the differences can be worked out. Sometimes they are too serious. This doesn't make either party the bad guy. There doesn't always have to be a bad guy.
                                Respectfully, I can't agree.

                                I don't see this too often. (Maybe others do.) People don't change too much in their morals and ethics. They may suppress or even hide their true identity somewhat. Seems that's what is going on when they define "growing apart" as they begin to show who they really are.

                                J.C.

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