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  • #31
    Re: Divorce?

    Originally posted by JCsPlumbing View Post
    Respectfully, I can't agree.

    I don't see this too often. (Maybe others do.) People don't change too much in their morals and ethics. They may suppress or even hide their true identity somewhat. Seems that's what is going on when they define "growing apart" as they begin to show who they really are.

    J.C.
    Just my two cents worth. Depending on what each of us have seen I agree we will have a different perspective. I think some folks will remain basically unchanged while others will not. I have seen tough and mean spirited folks soften after living through certain events and others who were easy going and pleasant became hardened and bitter after life put them through the ringer. Who we are can change, I think it's tough to not change over time.
    We all have these traits within, just a matter of which are encouraged.

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    • #32
      Re: Divorce?

      Originally posted by JCsPlumbing View Post
      Respectfully, I can't agree.

      I don't see this too often. (Maybe others do.) People don't change too much in their morals and ethics. They may suppress or even hide their true identity somewhat. Seems that's what is going on when they define "growing apart" as they begin to show who they really are.

      J.C.
      I can't disagree with you, as I do think that the suppression or hiding one's true person happens quite a lot.

      On the other hand, it's hard to keep that up for a real long time. I have two very close pals that both had their wives leave them this past year after 37 (high school sweethearts) and 26 years. Maybe they were acting for all that time? I don't know... seems like it would be nearly impossible to keep up an act for that long. My take is that these women looked in the mirror and decided that they wanted something more or something different out of life. I think it can happen as we get older. Not literally looked in the mirror one day.... the dissatisfaction or change in values was likely brewing for a long time. Just my take on it.

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      • #33
        Re: Divorce?

        Originally posted by Frankiarmz View Post
        I agree, but if the catholic church is weighing in as it does in many lives then Yes, there must be a gulity party "Bad Guy". The priest said divorce is evil and so are people who divorce, homosexual behavior is an abomination, women have no right to end a pregnancy, thou shalt not kill, and so on.

        I lived that contradiction long enough and decided to think for myself and follow what I think is best and just! If my wife and I cannot live together peacefully and she and I decide to divorce then that is what will happen. If one of my daughters tells me she is gay, I will hug her and tell her I love her and hope she is happy. If someone rapes my daughter I will help her get an abortion if she so chooses and if I can I will kill the guilty party.

        I know what is right and wrong, I will not go against my better judgement in hopes of eternal bliss. God gave me a brain with which to think and I have reached these conclusions with no regrets.
        Frank, I feel the same way.

        Interestingly, some preists in the Catholic church "off the record" DO counsel their parishoners that it's ok to re-marry after a civil divorce, although you can't do so in the Church. Let's face it, church's rules are in most cases made by men not by God. Some members and some priests may choose to abide by the strict letter of the law but not all do. Acording to Catholic law, you don't have to live together, but the Church doesn't recognize divorce so you are still married and can't re-marry. The only thing that the Catholic church will allow is annulment but there are some very restrictive rules about that that more or less rule it out for 99% of the cases.

        One only has one life. It is important to have integrity and conviction and take marriage vows seriously. But it's just plain stupid to waste that life being miserable. Irrespective of Church law, I can't believe that a life of misery is what a loving and caring God wants for us. I know from my experience that deciding to divorce was the toughest decision of my life. I agonized over it for years. It turns out that it was also one of the best moves I could have made. And she feels the same way.

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