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  • Divorce?

    In relation to another thread I suppose that's gotten off track.

    Has the amount of divorce increased, decreased or stayed the same in your area?

    Not statistically or what you can Google out. (Starting to not trust ANY statistics) But people you know and what you see.

    What do you suppose is causing the trend you see?

    I have my own thoughts....

    Thanks.

    J.C.

  • #2
    Re: Divorce?

    A few years ago I remember I read somewhere the divorce rate was at 60% which I found astonishing.

    Now I'm not married yet (engaged) but I find that money,infidelity, and depression are the main factors for divorce.

    I'm catholic so...I'm about to start pre-cana classes in Sept. so we can get married in a Catholic church.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Divorce?

      I live in CT and over the years I believe the numbers have increased. I remember the couples we knew of from our daughters schools and church, several of which divorced due to infidelity. More recently there have been some where the man either lost his job or didn't work enough and after struggling for a time they wind up divorced. The last few couples were married over twenty years and in one instance the wife said no more putting up with the cheating husband and now that the kids are out of the house so is he, marriage over! The last few I'll relate is also a common trend I've seen, man retires and is now home a lot, he either gets a bit annoying and underfoot, or he gets a little depressed, either way the wife boots him out. Happened to more than one couple I know.

      I also think drug and alcohol use is on the rise and that can't be helpful either. Maybe in the past it was mostly men cheating, now women have caught up. I've had several "happily" married women make a move on me, some were lonely, some thought it was trendy and some were out for revenge for what their husbands did. I have never been unfaithful, but it takes discipline. I say discipline because I think a lot of married folks do love their spouse but they are not disciplined and on guard all the time.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Divorce?

        Over the years we've had a couple of our friends (two couples) get divorced. But nothing in recent years, as most of our friends are now in their later years.

        In both cases, it was the wife who just got tired of "being married" and wanted to go off on thier own. In one case it was sort of a nutsy, series of flings on her part, and in the second case it was just a matter of the man and wife growing apart, and she not being satisfied with being the wife of someone and wanted to be her own, independant self.

        In both cases, the couples have remained good friends and they still see each other often.

        When I got married in 1967, we were both 23 and we were both employed, with me just starting my career. I looked around at the married people I knew and what thier problems were. In most cases it was money and in a few cases it was infidelity... which usually came about because of money. (Both working too much to earn it, spending too much time apart doing that work, and doing too much bitching when they were together about not being able to afford this or that.)

        I made a couple of decisions... one, that we would live on MY income, as sparce as it was. Her income would be banked.

        When the baby came along two years into the marriage, her staying home to be a mother wasn't a problem as we had to make no financial sacrifises because of the loss of her income. Instead, we had already banked enough that we were able to buy a house.

        The other decision was simply a mindset of why I liked and loved this particular woman. Over the years we've had lots of challenges (lost jobs, sick baby, and various other little calamities)... but we always face them together. She's never had to go get a job or be subjected to anything outside of her comfort zone.

        There have been times when we've not liked each other for sure, but I always tell myself that "love is only a state of mind"... so, if I fall out of love with this women, it's a bit like having a headache... I take a couple of asprin, and decide that tomorrow I'll fall back in love with her. I'm not quick in my attentions towards others, and I've yet to see anyone that doesn't have more flaws than I could contend with or even care to get close to.

        I see a lot of younger people that don't seem to be very happy. Many seem to be without purpose, understanding, discipline, or committment. Too many expect to have what their parents have, within the first few years of working and they usually do... but only by accumulating massive debt. Happiness and satisfaction seems to be something quickly gained without sacrifice or committment and any disappointments seem to be every reason for abandonment or shrekking of responsibility.

        Life's problems and happinesses don't happen and/or get resolved in a couple of hours, days, weeks, or even months. It takes investment, dedication and courage. It also takes a lot of skill and those skills have to be continually honed.

        In a way, it's a lot like anything we make, whether it's a piece of furniture or a custom car. Nothing is perfect, you have things that break, and that occasionally hurt you. But if you love what you're doing and know what you are trying to achieve, you don't let the slivers, the burns, and the occasional mistakes, throw you off the project.

        But of course, it takes two to feel that way. One must choose wisely!

        CWS
        Last edited by CWSmith; 08-17-2010, 01:39 AM.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Divorce?

          Originally posted by JCsPlumbing View Post
          In relation to another thread I suppose that's gotten off track.

          Has the amount of divorce increased, decreased or stayed the same in your area?

          Not statistically or what you can Google out. (Starting to not trust ANY statistics) But people you know and what you see.

          What do you suppose is causing the trend you see?

          I have my own thoughts....

          Thanks.

          J.C.
          Sorry, I have a nasty habit of doing such things.

          However, some recent "Dear Abby" submissions are real beauties:
          Link:http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20100815

          The choiciest one was this little gem:
          DEAR ABBY: An old friend I'll call "Bud" used to take my ex-husband and me out for dinner and drinks. About 15 years ago, he met a woman. She moved in with him and then they got married. They have been married a long time now and I hardly get to see or talk to Bud.

          I am now divorced. I have always had "feelings" for this man, and I want what Bud's wife has: She has a new car, a beautiful home, he has a new truck, they both work and seem to have everything.
          I don't love Bud, but I know him from way back and I want to break them up. Can you give me any advice on how to? -- LOSING OUT IN SPRINGFIELD, MO.
          DEAR LOSING OUT: You must not be a frequent reader of my column. In a case like this, I think I'll take a pass.
          Sadly, instances like these are much more common than I am sure many would like to admit. I'n fact there is a term for it, "Husband Hunter". But as always, don't take my word for it, see for yourself. http://glo.msn.com/relationships/bew...tory?gt1=49006

          I swear, there was a time when I was sorely tempted to buy a wedding ring for myself to experiment how well it would work. Sadly, I'm too afraid of the results, and eventual mindset that would develop because of it.
          Last edited by tailgunner; 08-17-2010, 01:43 AM.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Divorce?

            Originally posted by tailgunner View Post
            Sorry, I have a nasty habit of doing such things.

            However, some recent "Dear Abby" submissions are real beauties:
            Link:http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20100815

            The choiciest one was this little gem:


            Sadly, instances like these are much more common than I am sure many would like to admit. I'n fact there is a term for it, "Husband Hunter". But as always, don't take my word for it, see for yourself. http://glo.msn.com/relationships/bew...tory?gt1=49006

            I swear, there was a time when I was sorely tempted to buy a wedding ring for myself to experiment how well it would work. Sadly, I'm too afraid of the results, and eventual mindset that would develop because of it.
            When I was single by choice for many years, I met a few women who didn't want to date me because I wasn't College educated. They thought being a Plumber was a menial job or something, and I used to ask them 1 simple question. If being a Plumber is so menial, how come it's not funny anymore when I hand a customer a bill for my work? That used to get them every time. These dingbats thought only College educated people made money. One of those girls told me I needed to make $100,000 a year minimum to date her, because she KNEW what it took to live and she wanted her equal. I couldn't run that girl down the road fast enough!!

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Divorce?

              Originally posted by Flux View Post
              When I was single by choice for many years, I met a few women who didn't want to date me because I wasn't College educated. They thought being a Plumber was a menial job or something, and I used to ask them 1 simple question. If being a Plumber is so menial, how come it's not funny anymore when I hand a customer a bill for my work? That used to get them every time. These dingbats thought only College educated people made money. One of those girls told me I needed to make $100,000 a year minimum to date her, because she KNEW what it took to live and she wanted her equal. I couldn't run that girl down the road fast enough!!
              You should see What they look like today.
              I see em all day long with their yearning eyees wondering to themselves if you are looking at them.

              When their beauty fades all one is left with is an empty bag of saggy flesh.
              I wonder if that's how the name "Old Bag" got out.


              My take on Divorce?
              Those credit card relationships of our past economy are being dumped.
              Some of the mature soul mates that have developed,invested in each other are awe inspiring(Utah 1&2 being the closest reference for these boards) The others that bartered for a fantasy are miserable because they have been spoiled by our elders.

              I'm willing to bet we are going to see quite a few more humbled people starting out healthy relationships with a work agenda out in front of them to build with.
              Or that could just be me living in a fantasy.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Divorce?

                Divorce, A necessary evil.

                I live in the bible belt and divorce is as common as dirt.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Divorce?

                  Originally posted by James P View Post
                  Divorce, A necessary evil.

                  I live in the bible belt and divorce is as common as dirt.
                  That is something that has me a little bit baffled over here as well.
                  These "Churchies" That I have been a part of over the past few years are just as willing to get their hornys off as the next bunch.
                  I guess one's love for the holy spirit means something different to alot of others.
                  Been quite a few pew jumpers this past year.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Divorce?

                    Originally posted by drtyhands View Post
                    You should see What they look like today.
                    I see em all day long with their yearning eyees wondering to themselves if you are looking at them.

                    When their beauty fades all one is left with is an empty bag of saggy flesh.
                    I wonder if that's how the name "Old Bag" got out.


                    My take on Divorce?
                    Those credit card relationships of our past economy are being dumped.
                    Some of the mature soul mates that have developed,invested in each other are awe inspiring(Utah 1&2 being the closest reference for these boards) The others that bartered for a fantasy are miserable because they have been spoiled by our elders.

                    I'm willing to bet we are going to see quite a few more humbled people starting out healthy relationships with a work agenda out in front of them to build with.
                    Or that could just be me living in a fantasy.

                    I am a realist when it comes to marriage, failing relationships and divorce but at the same time I'm a hopeless romantic pulling for true love and marriages that endure.

                    Several times over the years my wife has suggested to me that some of the other husbands were real great guys and family men. These guys were almost always white collar, upper wage earners and while they put on a good act several went down in flames cheating with coworkers or neighbors. I refer to them as my wife's heroes who are really zeros!

                    I think struggle can be healthy for a marriage and the common goal to survive and overcome brings some couples toghter, however after a divorce things change for a lot of folks. I read the personals to see if someone else we know is divorced and looking, and it's sad to see how many of these aging moms with children at home are not looking for a kind, caring and hard working man. I read the same thing over and over, they are looking for a tall guy in shape who does not smoke, likes to dance, go to theatres, fine dining, vacation and makes over $150,000 a year. I tell my wife's diovrced friends that men with those qualifications are looking for younger, single women who also earn good money.

                    There are the desperate divorced women who are husband hunting and they can be dangerous.

                    While I keep hoping love can conquer all, I realize marriage is sometimes very sad and lonely. The times when we are out of sync can be punishing. That's why I suggest whatever works between consenting adults. Personally even if I had the green light from my wife to have an alterantive arangement, I am a one woman man.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Divorce?

                      I tried it once and thought I got away with it

                      A couple hundred thousand later and a file cabinet full of court papers would prove otherwise.
                      sigpic

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Divorce?

                        Originally posted by drtyhands View Post
                        That is something that has me a little bit baffled over here as well.
                        These "Churchies" That I have been a part of over the past few years are just as willing to get their hornys off as the next bunch.
                        I guess one's love for the holy spirit means something different to alot of others.
                        Been quite a few pew jumpers this past year.
                        It's different when they do it.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Divorce?

                          The number 1 reason I see here for the decline of the traditional marriage is....

                          When women entered the workforce.

                          That oughta' stir the pot.

                          J.C.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Divorce?

                            Originally posted by JCsPlumbing View Post
                            The number 1 reason I see here for the decline of the traditional marriage is....

                            When women entered the workforce.

                            That oughta' stir the pot.

                            J.C.
                            Works for me. My first wife worked the entire 28 years we were married.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Divorce?

                              Actually, if any of you have the time, here is a rather long, interesting observation of today's values, and one explaination of various declines.

                              http://www.singularity2050.com/2010/...ry-bubble.html

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