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  • Throwing Stones

    Why Don’t You Take a Seat Right There, Chris Hansen? | The Blemish


    J.C.

  • #2
    Re: Throwing Stones

    Is cheating on your wife bad? Cause I thought it was OK at least for rich folks and politicians anyway
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    • #3
      Re: Throwing Stones

      I love my wife dearly, but I believe marriage is unnatural and for the most part failed. I know there are those of you who have found love and happiness with your spouse, and are surrounded by friends and family who have found the same. Sadly though for most married couples the reality is much different. Abuse, infidelity, addictions and health issues have lead to very high divorce rates and many unhappy situations for those who do not divorce. I would not "excuse" what hansen did, it violates his vows, but there may be some explanation beyond him being an out and out creep.

      I refuse to be a hypocrit or sterotype of the lonely, frustratred married man who strays from his wife, but my wife's health problems have left us with an impossible situation. That is not to say that there are plenty of men who need no reason other than attraction to step outside of their marriage vows. We are still trying to domesticat a living being and for the most part it does not work. We have laws to stop violence, but when angry or threatened it is instinctual that we respond with violence. Our natural desire or need to satisfy our appetite has lead to widespread obesity. The powerful sex drive that is part of our very nature is in my opinion very strong to insure survival of the species.
      Strong willed, thoughtful men such as myself can understand why we have such desire, craving, thoughts, but realize the harm and hurt it would cause to act upon them. IF you are serious about marriage, love and caring about someone more than yourself, then you don't "go there". You don't fantasize about other women, and you don't act on your urges. Sure, wealth and fame make infidelity more common, but any of us at any time can make the wrong choices. My wife and I may argue at times, but she will never lose faith in my love for her and my caring to do what is right. I may not be rich or famous, but I am a better man in my opinion than many who are exposed as cheats.

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      • #4
        Re: Throwing Stones

        Quite a difference between catching pedophiles trying to exploit kids and the exploits of consenting adults.

        Irrespective of anyone's personal sense of morality, I have no right nor motivation to judge anyone's personal choices that don't involve me. I feel sorry for the children in any failed or failing family. However, I have no knowledge of the situation between the parents, who is really doing what to whom, or what their life and history is like. Nor is it any of my business... and certainly none of my concern.

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        • #5
          Re: Throwing Stones

          Originally posted by Frankiarmz View Post
          I love my wife dearly, but I believe marriage is unnatural and for the most part failed. I know there are those of you who have found love and happiness with your spouse, and are surrounded by friends and family who have found the same. Sadly though for most married couples the reality is much different. Abuse, infidelity, addictions and health issues have lead to very high divorce rates and many unhappy situations for those who do not divorce. I would not "excuse" what hansen did, it violates his vows, but there may be some explanation beyond him being an out and out creep.

          I refuse to be a hypocrit or sterotype of the lonely, frustratred married man who strays from his wife, but my wife's health problems have left us with an impossible situation. That is not to say that there are plenty of men who need no reason other than attraction to step outside of their marriage vows. We are still trying to domesticat a living being and for the most part it does not work. We have laws to stop violence, but when angry or threatened it is instinctual that we respond with violence. Our natural desire or need to satisfy our appetite has lead to widespread obesity. The powerful sex drive that is part of our very nature is in my opinion very strong to insure survival of the species.
          Strong willed, thoughtful men such as myself can understand why we have such desire, craving, thoughts, but realize the harm and hurt it would cause to act upon them. IF you are serious about marriage, love and caring about someone more than yourself, then you don't "go there". You don't fantasize about other women, and you don't act on your urges. Sure, wealth and fame make infidelity more common, but any of us at any time can make the wrong choices. My wife and I may argue at times, but she will never lose faith in my love for her and my caring to do what is right. I may not be rich or famous, but I am a better man in my opinion than many who are exposed as cheats.
          Frank, That was right from the Heart,and beautiful! May You both live a long,healthy life.
          I can build anything You want , if you draw a picture of it , on the back of a big enough check .

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          • #6
            Re: Throwing Stones

            My thoughts are quite simple.... I don't make decisions lightly, especially when it came to choosing a life-partner. When I was a teen and I found myself easily in love and easily heartbroken. For awhile it just seemed that it was all just a stupid game to be played by foolish people. By my early 20's I felt much better just not taking any of it seriously and therefore just facing dating as nothing more than the weekend date for a movie, dinner, or other fun "night out".

            But then I met someone who I really liked. No games, no pretense or challenging hurdles that I had to meet or expect. We just were good friends and friends that shared a many interests and yet many differences too. I liked her parents and especially her Dad and I liked the way they lived and the values they represented. I asked her to marry me only after I knew, worked with, and shared some mutual fun interests (and completely plutonic) with.

            I pride myself on being a "gentleman" and I greatly admire a person with grace, but not self-centered or in anyway lavish or "put-on". I found myself overwhelmingly in love with this young woman and I asked her to marry me after knowing her and liking "most" of her. Differences between us was of course evident, and to that end we both felt we needed each other.

            We certainly have our differences and neither of us are submissive to the other's arguments or strong-willed feelings of any particular subject. She's Catholic and I'm not at all a "church-goer". She's a Democrat and I've been mostly Republican. She's anti-gun, anti-war, and strickly a city girl and I'm more outdoors and have been a bit of a "hawk". She is also quite frugal and a very hard worker, while I like buying things and will gladly take a few days off every now and then. I've worked through out our marriage and she's been a stay-at-home Mom and homemaker. Like a said, we have many differences and boy can we get into some real arguements and even some real shouting matches.

            We've been married almost 45 now and through it all, we've been faithful. We may not like each other at times and sometimes those "times" seem endless and heatbreaking, but we've never walked away and we've never been without each other. Above all, we've never cheated each other or found ourselves seeking the companionship of others.

            And yes, I'm human, totally male, and rather "Victorian" in many, many ways. Certainly I've found other women to be attractive and perhaps even entising at times. But, I don't wander or follow. When I'm "out of love" with my wife, it's because we're in the middle of "differences" and it is at such times that I remember that "Love" is pretty much a state of mind. My mind at those times isn't with her, but I've got enough savvy to realize that like with most everything, a change of mind can be quickly in order and I remember exactly what led me to her and what all the things about her are deeply attractive to me.

            Bottom line is that we are still together. I take those wedding vows seriously and I feel that above all, as a man it is my duty to be honorable and protective to my family, my wife, and myself. I may not like her at times, but I will defend her and my family to my very end.

            I find any man who "cheats" to be quite dishonerable. There is no excuse whatsoever. If you don't like your wife, if you think your marriage is dumb, or the worst mistake of your life... then you need to end it. Then when you are free, go seek another. But as long as you are married, you need to be a man, carry throught on your vows and live honorably.

            CWS

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            • #7
              Re: Throwing Stones

              I have always considered my wife to be much more important to me then a strange piece of a$$. That has made never cheating on my spouse a very easy thing to do, I do not even consider it.

              I think Hansen has done himself a grave disservice that will now blemish all of the good that he was doing exposing pedophiles. What a stupid mistake and sign of poor character. His future actions, good or bad are now diminished. What a shame.

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              • #8
                Re: Throwing Stones

                Originally posted by CWSmith View Post
                (snipped)

                We've been married almost 45 now and through it all, we've been faithful. We may not like each other at times and sometimes those "times" seem endless and heatbreaking, but we've never walked away and we've never been without each other. Above all, we've never cheated each other or found ourselves seeking the companionship of others.

                And yes, I'm human, totally male, and rather "Victorian" in many, many ways. Certainly I've found other women to be attractive and perhaps even entising at times. But, I don't wander or follow. When I'm "out of love" with my wife, it's because we're in the middle of "differences" and it is at such times that I remember that "Love" is pretty much a state of mind. My mind at those times isn't with her, but I've got enough savvy to realize that like with most everything, a change of mind can be quickly in order and I remember exactly what led me to her and what all the things about her are deeply attractive to me.

                Bottom line is that we are still together. I take those wedding vows seriously and I feel that above all, as a man it is my duty to be honorable and protective to my family, my wife, and myself. I may not like her at times, but I will defend her and my family to my very end.

                I find any man who "cheats" to be quite dishonerable. There is no excuse whatsoever. If you don't like your wife, if you think your marriage is dumb, or the worst mistake of your life... then you need to end it. Then when you are free, go seek another. But as long as you are married, you need to be a man, carry throught on your vows and live honorably.

                CWS
                My respect sir.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Throwing Stones

                  Some great posts to this thread. "I find any man who "cheats" to be quite dishonerable. There is no excuse whatsoever. If you don't like your wife, if you think your marriage is dumb, or the worst mistake of your life... then you need to end it. Then when you are free, go seek another. But as long as you are married, you need to be a man, carry throught on your vows and live honorably."

                  CWS

                  That right there is something I believe in very strongly and wish more folks, men and women alike practiced! In my opinion when a spouse cheats, that is a deal breaker and the marriage is over. Now if the couple want to get counceling, rebuild trust and take new vows to begin a new marriage that's something to consider. I can't stand when a guy gets in front of a microphone at a press meeting and says his infidelity was a mistake and he needs help. It was not a mistake when he was enjoying himself with other women, he was fine in the monent or making careful plans not to get caught! Men also do themselves a disservice by not avoiding certain situations that are problematic. Spending time in a bar/club drinking in the presence of women who are doing the same is a formula for disaster. We don't need the excuse of alcohol to act like fools. My greatest exposure to women is going to the gym, lots of very attractive and fit females. I do not stare, do not fantasize, I understand why I am there and why they are there. There are different stages of marriage that lend themselves to unique problems, the transition to becoming parents and your wife balancing her time between wife and mother. Middle age when we become used to eachother and sometimes stop trying to be passionate. Let's not forget what nature has in store for our wives at that time. I give this subject a lot of thought, I want and need to make some sense of it all.

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                  • #10
                    Re: Throwing Stones

                    Adultry is illegal in some places.....and you can be held responsible to pay damages to the spouse of who your cheating with. Not to mention if you catch your husband or wife in bed in your own house you can legally kill them both. So I hope if anyone is cheating here its some good kitty because it might cost you your life if your married or the person your cheating with is trigger happy. LOL

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Throwing Stones

                      I read this story this morning before work, and I have mixed feelings on it.

                      Because the guy is in the public spotlight, it's magnified 100000 times more than if you or I did it.

                      My thing is..if you're going to cheat on your wife, get a divorce first, instead of humiliating her.

                      In the end...I still applaud Chris Hansen for his work to expose pedophiles.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Throwing Stones

                        I think that when people say " they are consenting adults and it's none of my business" that attitude only helps to further make adultery more acceptable. Adultery is rarely a victimless sin. There are usually children and families involved. There used to be a stigma attached to adultery, a certain amount of shame that is sadly missing these days. Nobody feels shame for their immoral acts anymore and as a result the coming generation becomes more self centered and selfish. Now folks shamelessly announce to the world that they have affairs, use drugs and alchohol, cheat on their taxes, grope men in bathroom stalls, run pimping operations and send photos of their junk to random women they met on facebook. We elect these immoral creeps on a regular basis. If the people we choose to represent us and this great nation have no idea how to behave as moral human beings, how can we expect anymore from ourselves and our children.

                        What ye sow, so shall ye reap.
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                        • #13
                          Re: Throwing Stones

                          Originally posted by NHMaster3015 View Post
                          I think that when people say " they are consenting adults and it's none of my business" that attitude only helps to further make adultery more acceptable. Adultery is rarely a victimless sin. There are usually children and families involved. There used to be a stigma attached to adultery, a certain amount of shame that is sadly missing these days. Nobody feels shame for their immoral acts anymore and as a result the coming generation becomes more self centered and selfish. Now folks shamelessly announce to the world that they have affairs, use drugs and alchohol, cheat on their taxes, grope men in bathroom stalls, run pimping operations and send photos of their junk to random women they met on facebook. We elect these immoral creeps on a regular basis. If the people we choose to represent us and this great nation have no idea how to behave as moral human beings, how can we expect anymore from ourselves and our children.

                          What ye sow, so shall ye reap.
                          NHM, I would go further when it comes to our elected officials behaving poorly. I think there should be mandatory jail terms for wasting our time acting foolishing and bringing embarassment to our country! Regarding infidelity in general, it's not for me and I would prefer married folks either respect their vows or divorce. That said, life is not always so cut and dry simple. There are countless situations involving money, famliy obligations and social complications that remove divorce as an option. I'm willing to bet that of the less than fifty percent of those who remain married, at least half would divorce if they could. Good, caring people strive to be moral and do the right thing in the eyes of their loved ones and society, but such behavior and discipline often exists in conflict with the true nature of man and our desire to be happy.

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                          • #14
                            Re: Throwing Stones

                            Originally posted by NHMaster3015 View Post
                            I think that when people say " they are consenting adults and it's none of my business" that attitude only helps to further make adultery more acceptable.".
                            In the first place I don't think this is true. I doubt if Chris Hansen or anyone else would find his actions any more or less acceptable, or be any more or less inclined to do what he did, based on what any of us think based on the few words written in a news snippet.

                            I do agree that it is difficult for children in most cases, and for many innocent spouses. And yes, that is tragic.

                            You cited a litany of things that you consider immoral. For example, drug and alcohol use. Is it always immoral? Or do people have genetic predispositions? Or did they become addicted because of other circumstances? Certainly some instances of drug and/or alcohol abuse are reflective of a weak character. Not all, though. I know someone that has a family history of addiction and ended up with a very serious problem arising from legitimate prescription use. Is this person morally inferior? I don't think so. But then again I know some history. If you read a 200 word news story on that person, you might conclude otherwise. And with due respect, you would be talking out of your derriere if you passed judgement on this person's morality without knowing details.

                            I am not defending Hansen. I don't know him, his wife or the details of his life. I do know that it's pretty dangerous to judge people without knowing all the facts. That's why, for example, we have a legal system that goes through an excruciatingly painstaking process to allow both sides to present the complete set of relevant facts, circumstances and arguments. As Frank points out, life is not always so cut and dried. I would say that it is almost never so cut and dried. When I was 20 I was sure that everything was black or white, and amazed that others couldn't see as clearly as I could. I am now 55, and have learned that the truth nearly always resides in the grey areas, not the obvious black and white parts.

                            Morality is a societal convention, and not a constant. Different cultures have widely disparate values. For example, many societies in history have accepted drug use (native Americans smoking and chewing various narcotic plants, hashish and opium use in Asia, etc), have different views with respect to monogamy, war, sanctity of human life, business ethics, etc. etc.

                            Morality also changes with time. Slavery, a huge moral injustice IMO, was perfectly acceptable for a very long time. In the 1960s you couldn't show two people in bed on TV. Until very recently, gays couldn't marry. Nor could they be depicted as openly homosexual on TV, for that matter. You may think homosexuality is immoral. I have to say that it grosses me out, but I understand that it's not a choice for those people anymore than it is a choice for me to enjoy the opposite sex. So I elect to withhold judgement and allow them to live their lives as they see fit. It is another case of, "not my place to judge". Am I contribuing to the moral decay of society? I don't think so. I think I am letting go of an unreasonable prejudice.

                            You are free to think whatever you want, but at least be aware that you are judging others based on YOUR particular set of values, sense of morality, and most often an incomplete knowledge of the facts. Many may share your perspective, but then again, many may not. My point is that we are all free to hold our own values. As parents, we pass OUR values on to our children -- not someone else's, not yours, and not society's (whatever that means).

                            An important value for me, and one that I taught my kids, was to respect others and refrain from being judgemental. That means I respect your disagreement.

                            BTW, Master.... it is most definitely not legal in the US to kill your spouse and lover if you find them in your bed. Not in the US, and not anywhere in the western world that I am aware of - unless you are threatened with bodily harm when you discover them. Domestic violence, as opposed to self defense, is in fact expressly forbidden by law in the US, period. You could argue temporary insanity in your criminal trial, I suppose.... good luck with that. As for the illegality of adultery in certain states, it is true but rarely if ever prosecuted, like many, many archaic laws that remain on the books. It does have a bearing on divorce issues such as property settlement and child custody in some states.
                            Last edited by Andy_M; 07-01-2011, 02:40 PM.

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                            • #15
                              Re: Throwing Stones

                              Andy, you are apologizing for and justifying bad behavior. Bad behavior is bad behavior. It makes no difference what the circumstances leading up to it are, it's still bad behavior. Refrain from being judgemental, really? think long and hard about that. We judge everyone and everything. It's one of those little human things that has managed to keep us alive since we first climbed down from the branches. Every citizen has a responsibility to himself, his family and society. Without the balance of the three everything falls apart fast.
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