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  • #16
    Re: My apologies for my recent behavior.

    Originally posted by CWSmith View Post
    Ace,

    I've often read your posts and found them enjoyable... I missed the one that you feel had embarrassed you. But your "apology" was a nice piece, and I think that alone speaks loudly of your good character. I of course don't know you, beyond what you have written in the past and certainly a post written "under the influence" doesn't dampen anything in my mind... except perhaps your weakness for alchohol; and God knows that we all fall down once in awhile, for whatever reason.

    I however, do not think for a moment that "alchohol" or any other influence brings out the "truth" in a person. On the contrary, it places the mind and the spirit into such a foggy area that almost anything can be said. We forgive such incidences when it happens to our friends, and I think you very well need to recognize that such things are part of the frailties of being human.

    On a personal note, I can't blame alcohol or drugs for any past "failures of grace" on my part. Anger, often becomes it's own "influence" and at times I am an "angry man"... and one which will lash out like someone crazed. As I get older I have mellowed... age and personal failures of grace can do that and so I have learned to recognize my shortcomings, apologize to others, and forgive myself in the process. That forgiveness let's me get beyond such weaknesses and learn by the experience, thus not repeating such failures, by not continueing to carry the burden of the past. Above all, it acknowledges how strong we humans can be, despite our occasional failures. It's nice to know, for all of us, that though we have weaknesses, we are able to apologize, recognize within ourselves, and move forward with our strength to the benefit of ourselves and those friends and loved ones around us.

    Keep up the good work, and may your strength increase,

    CWS
    C.W.,You nailed it. As You get older,You get more forgiving of others. You remember all Your shortcomings ,and the little voice say's cut some slack. You were able to put to words whats in many hearts. Well done Brother " GO NINERS "
    I can build anything You want , if you draw a picture of it , on the back of a big enough check .

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    • #17
      Re: My apologies for my recent behavior.

      Originally posted by Ace Sewer View Post
      it is a frightening thing to have literally no memory of what took place as I moved and acted in the world.
      I would like to recount a story that happened locally here in Twin Falls this summer.

      A 20 some year old man and his friend, both from the Elko, NV area, spent the evening bar-hopping around the Elko community. After binging into the wee hours, they slept for a few hours and then jumped in a pickup truck and headed up here to Idaho. They arrived in the area in the early morning hours and due to some minor traffic violation the man in question was pulled over by a state trooper. While the trooper was sitting in his car, this man took off and led the police on an extended high-speed chase. The chase ended when he slammed into another vehicle at an intersection. He then ran across the street into a hotel. When others pursued, he pointed a gun at them and threatened to kill them. At some point he shot a policeman in the leg, and finally took a woman hostage in a stairwell. During the hostage crisis, a 43 year old crane operator from Utah, who had just finished his job up here and was to be heading home that morning, ran toward the stairwell, apparently trying to escape the hotel and the gunman. The gunman "thought he must be an undercover police officer" and shot him on sight, killing him instantly. Eventually he ran out of bullets and surrendered.

      He was sentenced the other day. A list of crimes as long as my arm, all enhanced by the use of a deadly weapon. He will never see the world as a free man as long as he lives.

      Why do I tell this here? Because of a statement he made during his trial which rhymed so well with the essence of what Ace is telling us here. He looked into the eyes of the family of the man he had killed, and apologized. The news quoted his apology and it sounded so genuine. He said that he was sorry, there was no way he could restore what he had taken from them, but he was truly sorry. And then he made this statement: "There is not a day goes by that I don't regret what I did."

      Normally, these murderers and other psychopaths just make me angry and I have a hard time feeling sorry for them. However, as I thought about this, I can say I felt truly, truly sorry for him. Because of the effects of one night of binge drinking, because of one single night where he went over the edge and did things he never imagined he'd do, he will always owe a debt to society that he can never pay. And he will always have to live with that knowledge. His life is ruined forever. He had probably binged many, many times before, but this one time was all it took.

      Ace, I hope you really try. I am not making you out to be a criminal, not at all. However, your offensive post (I never saw it BTW) is all the proof you need that you can do unexpected things while intoxicated, and it also proves that you, like everyone else, have a dark side that under normal circumstances remains totally hidden and under control. But combine the two and you never know just how far it might lead you some day. The man in this story was exactly like you less than six months ago. Now he's different.

      Comment


      • #18
        Re: My apologies for my recent behavior.

        Look at it this way:
        If the worst you have done is rant away at some random tool forum, then you doing pretty good.
        If anything, it's a blessing in disguise. This little trip up with the bottle, is far better to end up with a "stubbed toe" of sorts rather than fall flat on your face.

        Though I did enjoy the opportunity to post a rarely used imaged reply .

        Still, I too had a close call. One night during a December drill weekend, a group of us spent a fair amount of time at our NCO Club during a small Christmas party. I'll go ahead and say I enjoyed the holiday spirits a bit too much. Keep in mind, I did feel myself go past the "buzzed" point to the "Uh oh" level. So i tried to buy myself time with a vitamin water and a coffee for the road. Well, it was too little too late. While I did make it close to home on the highway, and do remember hitting the rumble strips a few times, I cannot recall driving the city street portion at all, nor how I ended up in my driveway, even less how I gotten myself into bed. I vowed never again, especially considering I was lucky to learn that lesson the easy way.

        In hindsight, I should have simply camped out on base, but then again, when God accuses me of being intelligent; I plead, "Not Guilty"
        Last edited by tailgunner; 01-20-2012, 01:03 PM.

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        • #19
          Re: My apologies for my recent behavior.

          Ace you actually made me log-in to post instead of just reading the forum.

          Good job with you're post, you have honesty and guts.

          Good luck with you're drinking problem and may you find the strength to overcome the addiction and put it behind you.

          Comment


          • #20
            Re: My apologies for my recent behavior.

            Originally posted by ace sewer View Post
            apparently i posted something offensive last night. I have no recollection of doing so. I am finding myself forced to consider my use of alcohol lately. I have never had a blackout until recently. Last night was my second. I honestly have no recollection of anything that happened after about 8:00 last night.

            My gf informs me she was over visiting and found me half-naked rooting around in the van looking for my phone when she arrived. I was quite drunk. Apparently it took me about 20 minutes to relate a story about something not too complicated that happened during the day, mostly because it took me that long to assemble the words. I have no recollection of her visit.

            I have no recollection of posting or of what i posted. I'm told it garnered multiple complaints. It's since been removed and i have no record of it. I'm embarrassed enough that i don't really want to know.

            My apologies for my behavior.

            I'm sorry for any offense.

            I think i might just have to quit drinking altogether. It seems to be like the cigarettes for me; can't have just one.

            please see a doctor and get help !
            I buried two brothers last year from alcohol one in feb, the other in march they both thought they were going to live longer but one day they got sick and went to the hospital and within a couple weeks to a month later they died
            from liver failure
            JERRYMAC
            E-MAILJERRYMAC777@GMAIL.COM
            CALIF. LIC. PLBG,HEAT,DRAINS,ELECTRIC,WATER HEATER, BOILER, POOL AND SPA HEATER
            FIRE SPRINKLER CONTRACTOR,
            SINCE JAN. 1989

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            • #21
              Re: My apologies for my recent behavior.

              I stopped drinking over 8 years ago....best thing I ever did.
              Had I known I would've been this happy I would've quit a lot sooner.

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              • #22
                Re: My apologies for my recent behavior.

                I quit drinking seriously over 20 years ago but I still maintain a presence from time to time.
                sigpic

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                • #23
                  Re: My apologies for my recent behavior.

                  I know a dumb Irishman that drove into a cold river at night. 15' deep, upside down to boot. Feb. ,in the cold winter. swam to the shore
                  and Hitched Home. It's a good life!
                  Last edited by toolaholic; 01-23-2012, 11:37 PM.
                  I can build anything You want , if you draw a picture of it , on the back of a big enough check .

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Re: My apologies for my recent behavior.

                    Well, for those who are interested...3 weeks sober today. And 80 days cigarette free.

                    Got the cigs by the balls this time.

                    Not sure if I can have a drink or not. Playing it safe for the moment.
                    This is my reminder to myself that no good will ever come from discussing politics or religion with anyone, ever.

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Re: My apologies for my recent behavior.

                      I knew a guy who literally after one drink thought he could take on the world. One day he was walking by an apt with some brothers sitting on the porch, they made a comment to him, he walked up the stairs to take them on. Needless to say the fight did not go well, they put his legs between the wrought iron and snapped both of his legs. Its been 8 years since the last time he touched a drop of alcohol.
                      We don't have preventative maintenance around here, we have CRISIS MANAGEMENT!

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                      • #26
                        Re: My apologies for my recent behavior.

                        Originally posted by Ace Sewer View Post
                        Well, for those who are interested...3 weeks sober today. And 80 days cigarette free.

                        Got the cigs by the balls this time.

                        Not sure if I can have a drink or not. Playing it safe for the moment.
                        First off Congrats!

                        Second, dont drink right now. You may think you can but from personal experience I know it's a bad idea. The move from "I'm fine I can just have a few" to "Holy crap I'm wasted" can happen so fast you wont even see it coming.

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                        • #27
                          Re: My apologies for my recent behavior.

                          Wow. What a flood of support. Thank you all.

                          Experience with the cigs has shown me the fallacy of the "I've done it, I'm ok, I've kicked it, one won't hurt" thought pattern. I miss being drunk, much like the cigs, only at moments of stress and at awkward moments when others are all drinking and asking me what I want. I feel absolutly fantastic. I'm waking up early, rested and ready to go. I had no idea that mornings could be anything but unpleasant; I had simply forgotten.
                          This is my reminder to myself that no good will ever come from discussing politics or religion with anyone, ever.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Re: My apologies for my recent behavior.

                            At ~5 weeks sober I am starting to see the issues that I was dealing with by anesthetising myself creep back in. Micromanagement of employee. Impatience and frustration. General misanthropy. Anger bordering on rage. Been catching myself being beyond snippy with partner and with gf. Been having to stop and apologize and start over several times in the same conversation. Gf all but pouring me a drink and handing it to me. I "used to be more fun."
                            This is my reminder to myself that no good will ever come from discussing politics or religion with anyone, ever.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Re: My apologies for my recent behavior.

                              That was one nice thing about being shipped off, it takes you away from most of the "office BS" at home, and gives a chance to "dry off" for seven months. I admit that first month being forced into withdrawl was clearly not fun, but once over the hump, it's a hell of alot easier.

                              Sounds to me that you need to go away for a while, and no alcohol. Once that is done, and find your little business is still standing inspite of your absence, you will realise how not to take on as much mental stress.

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