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  • Dad turns to Facebook to teach daughter a lesson...

    This by far has to be one of the best damn youtube/facebook videos of all time!

    Facebook Parenting: For the troubled teen. - YouTube

    We need more parents like this!

  • #2
    Re: Dad turns to Facebook to teach daughter a lesson...

    Here is a response from the dad "Tommy" after it hit local news stations..

    My response to the Dallas Fox affiliate on their news headline. You can read the headline by clicking the link below:




    I've made it a point of not responding to news or media thus far, but I'm going to reply to a few specific issues ment...ioned from the news anchors:

    First, let me say Thanks for not making me out as a TOTAL villain, though you cut-together enough footage sequences to make it seem that way in segments...


    It was an emotional response: Yes ma’am it was an emotional response. I raised my children to never use that kind of language, especially in a public place like that. There were so many vulgarities… I don’t even know where to start. She was mad and I get that, but there are way to talk about things without resorting to that kind of language.

    Secondly, and I’ve said this on Facebook as well, but I’m sure it will get lost in the flotsam of comments out there; I shouldn’t have said the word “***.” I’ll agree that wasn’t a good example of me as a father. I had been reading that post again and again for about an hour, sometimes in tears, other times so mad my hands were shaking and I was trying very hard to be civil in my message. I slipped in that and said a word I shouldn’t have. I deserve a little backlash for that, no doubt.

    In response to Dr Fletcher’s comments:
    Fifteen year olds don’t the social maturity to know what the consequence might be? I learned at about age 3 what good words were.. and what bad word were. I learned what I should say, and what I shouldn’t say. Those lessons were reinforced throughout my life as a pre-teen, teenager, and later into adulthood. I think it’s safe to assume we’ve attempted to instill in her the values that should make it obvious to ANY 15-year old that neither the content, nor its publication to the world at large was acceptable for any child, or even any adult for that matter.

    The punishment wasn’t natural or logical?
    She’s known the rules for Facebook ever since she was allowed to have an account. She’s broken them from time to time, sometimes by accident, sometimes as a way of stretching her boundaries to see just how firm the boundaries were. This was neither. Her post was WAY over the top.

    The Dr mentioned she “doesn’t really know what my daughter will learn from this consequence.” I hoped that would be self-explanatory, but I guess you can’t see that without knowing the rest of the story. The last time she did something completely inappropriate, she was grounded from the Internet for three months. The very day she got it back we had a nice long amicable talk about what was and was not acceptable and that I wanted her to have a chance to prove she was responsible enough to utilize the internet unsupervised… by exercising her renewed freedom in a responsible way. The point of this being that proving you can be trusted to be responsible in one venue can lead to increased freedoms in other venues. I ended that conversation with a warning. I told her if no uncertain terms that we had already taken it away from her once. The next time, there wouldn’t be the same chance. If it happened again, “I’ll put a bullet through it.”

    The "This one's from your mom" comment:
    Before I made the video this week, I called my wife at her office, mostly in tears. The first words out of my mouth were “Please convince me not to put a bullet through Hannah’s laptop.” She knew something was wrong and asked me to be sensible and tell her what happened. Instead I began reading her the Facebook post our daughter made. She let me get to the end of the post, said “I’m sorry honey” and then said “put one in it for me while you’re at it”… so I did.

    Contradiction in Terms?
    No I don’t think so. Yes I told my daughter not to air that kind of material on Facebook because it was hurtful to other people. It embarrassed them. It caused them to feel humiliated, especially our very very good friend, who is NOT a cleaning lady by any stretch of the imagination!

    Instead, I simply turned the tables and let her be on the receiving end of something and see how it made her feel. You mentioned not embellishing it, not sensationalizing it. I didn’t. I read exactly what she put out there for the world to see, in her own words. Then I added a few of my own words to it.

    And then, yes, I shot it full of holes. Would I have received the same viral attention if I’d used it as a dog toy, hit it with a hammer, drove over it with the truck, or simply thrown it away? I’m not sure. But the point is that her parents told her “If it happens again, I’ll put a bullet through it.”
    So, rather than let her push that particular boundary any further, I did absolutely no more and no less than I promised I’d do. Do I regret doing it? No. Do I regret keeping it on Facebook long enough to cause this stir? Yes. However at this time I feel that if I took the post or the video down, I'd just make it appear that we're running in shame from it, and we're not.

    Truthfully though the social attention has helped her and I both deal with it. We had our discussion about it after she returned home from school. We set the ground rules for her punishment, and then I let her read some of the comments on Facebook with me at my computer. At first it was upsetting. Then as we read it became less so, eventually funny to both of us. At the end, she was amazed that other people had such amazingly strong reactions. Some said she’d grow up to be a stripper. Others that she’d get pregnant and become drug addicted because of the emotional damage. She actually asked me to go on Facebook and ask if there was anything else the victim of a laptop-homicide could do besides stripping because all the posts seem to mention that particular job and she wasn’t so keen on that one.

    So in the end, she’s fine. My Facebook wall will never be the same again, and we’ll be OK as a family and she’ll grow up happy, healthy, and have everything she needs, but not everything she wants. And I absolutely guarantee she’ll never doubt my resolve to follow-through on a consequence again.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Dad turns to Facebook to teach daughter a lesson...

      While I am a fan of Texas style justice and can kind of see where this father was coming from however I think there is certainly much more behind the scenes facts to this than were presented. Pretty much, at one time or another, all teenagers go through a "I hate my parents" stage. This is not something new and I think I can predict will continue to happen for every generation going forward. If this incident was just a stage she is going through then I think he overreacted. If on the other hand she was in need of a very dramatic example of the punishment fits the crime then he certainly did that. But..........he really needs to find the answer to the question, how did I, her mother and her step mother fail her in these first 15+ years of her young life? There usually are good reasons why a child turns rebellious and most of the time the child doesn't hold the majority of the blame.
      Teach your kids about taxes..........eat 30 percent of their ice cream.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Dad turns to Facebook to teach daughter a lesson...

        Anyone with a 15 year old daughter can relate to the frustration of trying to raise children with proper values. With society in the state it is in these days and the hero's that kids look up to like the selfish, self indulgent whores and the gang bangers its all but impossible. They are a generation of self obsessed and self entitled monsters. Kids routinely hold their parents hostage with their threats and actions. This is what the liberals wanted and this is what they got.

        He did the right thing and to hell with those kum by ya sociologists and psychologists that say otherwise. Remember that it's those idiots that started this ball rolling a long time ago. If America is ever to be "taken back" it has to start with parenting. For too long we have relied on some self important nut case with a PHD to tell us how to raise children. Raising children is instinctual. Teach them to be safe and right from wrong and hold them accountable for their decisions both good and bad. Yes folks it really is a simple as that. It does not take a 300 page book or 4 years in some liberal institution to figure this stuff out. Parents were parenting for thousands of years before psychologists figured out how to make a crap load of money selling their particular brand of snake oil.
        sigpic

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        • #5
          Re: Dad turns to Facebook to teach daughter a lesson...

          i don't do facebook, but joey does.

          let me know if you ever see a k-60 on joeys page with a bullet hole in it

          rick.
          phoebe it is

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Dad turns to Facebook to teach daughter a lesson...

            These are different times, with different challenges and different resolutions to raising children. The school work is much more demanding than in the past, and the assortment of electronics and volume of media filling our children's minds is considerable. Parents are in a battle against all these things and eachother when trying to teach respect, life lessons and ethics. I lost count of how many doors and walls I've put my fist through rather than puch out my daughters or wife, and I consider myself a peaceful guy. The kids get a constant re-enforcement of bad behavior on tv and in person at school where teachers are not allowed to maintain proper discipline.

            Parents are in part responsible for some of the problem, with so many divorcing and shaking the family core, but I can say that remaining married and not supporting eachother as parents is not much better. You try to discipline a child and you are "mean", any physical display is labeled "out of control, sick". Wheter you are from the working middle class or one of the very wealthy the similarities are obvious, as are the results.

            The dad in the video is expressing his frustration, but his behavior will not be condoned by most even though he did not hurt anyone. In a way I'm sorry I ever punched a wall or door, I should have taken the easy way out and gotten divorced. Well, that's just it, when you care you don't take the easy way out, so hang in there and keep trying! You keep trying anything that will get your child to realize right from wrong, appreciate their blessings and your hard work and sacrifice.

            Leading up to the Christmas break, my younger daughter in culinary college had bragged about all the great dishes she would cook once she got home. Nearing the end of the break as she sat down with an egg sandwich on her plate, I asked about all that food she promised to make? She responded that she offered once, and I "lost" my chance now! My wife sat there like a wooden indian, did not correct my daughter and point out all the emotional and financial support I had given over the years including her present day college venture. So I smacke the plate out of her hand and after it hit the wall, the floor was covered with food and broken glass. Once again I was the violent out of control Dad. All the disrespect leading up to the outburst was forgotten, but I reminded my wife and daughter. I told my wife to call the cops and end our marriage if she was that upset because I was not about to change my behavior, not then not ever. I took my daughter's car away until she decided to make good on her promise. We did not talk for a while but the following visit two weeks later resulted in a fine meal and a better understanding.

            There is a lot wrong with our society, things gotten way out of control. Making a baby and actually raising a decent young adult are two very different things. As a man you must try not to get physical, try to see things from your wife and child's perspective. You have to consider the maturity of the child and the impact your actions will have down the road. There is much to be considered, and it's not an easy job. Things were so simple when they were little, you kind of get caught off guard. I doubt he taught her a lesson, she probably thinks he's a jerk, and where was the mom or step mom? Once again the guys the rat, the mean one. Personally, I think the kid needs a computer for school work, maybe he should have figured out something different?
            Good luck parents, Dads, you're gonna need it, and patience, and strength and brains. Frank

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Dad turns to Facebook to teach daughter a lesson...

              Frank, I to have a temper I control as best as I can. I never would hit anyone, especially my wife. Walls, garbage cans and such... Just might be on the receiving end of my frustration at times, but its rare. The other day I lost it, frustrated with an ageing vehicle in need of repairs, and the severe lack of money to fix it, a half gutted house, left over by the start of a remodel project that stalled due to the collapse in 08 killing my income, wife's ageing vehicle, not to mention all the little petty bullshit (3 mobile phones in 2 months, broken computer, couple jobs cost me money due to idiot subs, etc) as of late just got to me. After breaking down, dropping about 20 f-bombs explaining my frustrations to my poor wife I kicked the garbage can across the room. Now, obviously none of the anger was toward my wife, but it freightened her, and rightfully so. I apologized profusely for my behavior.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Dad turns to Facebook to teach daughter a lesson...

                Originally posted by Alphacowboy View Post
                Frank, I to have a temper I control as best as I can. I never would hit anyone, especially my wife. Walls, garbage cans and such... Just might be on the receiving end of my frustration at times, but its rare. The other day I lost it, frustrated with an ageing vehicle in need of repairs, and the severe lack of money to fix it, a half gutted house, left over by the start of a remodel project that stalled due to the collapse in 08 killing my income, wife's ageing vehicle, not to mention all the little petty bullshit (3 mobile phones in 2 months, broken computer, couple jobs cost me money due to idiot subs, etc) as of late just got to me. After breaking down, dropping about 20 f-bombs explaining my frustrations to my poor wife I kicked the garbage can across the room. Now, obviously none of the anger was toward my wife, but it freightened her, and rightfully so. I apologized profusely for my behavior.
                I don't want to excuse my behavior, but I do think there are irrational things that provoke a negative response. There will always be stresses in life and we need to find more harmless outlets, at the same time we are dealing with these in your face frustrations and it's difficult to respond like Dr. Phil.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Dad turns to Facebook to teach daughter a lesson...

                  Well, I don't think the guy was taking his frustration out on the laptop. He said if she did it again, he would put a bullet through it. She did and he did. Did you want him to not follow through on his word? Maybe he should not have made that particular promise for a punishment, but I commend him for fulfilling his promise. One thing is certain--I bet she believes him now!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Dad turns to Facebook to teach daughter a lesson...

                    Originally posted by Frankiarmz View Post
                    I don't want to excuse my behavior, but I do think there are irrational things that provoke a negative response. There will always be stresses in life and we need to find more harmless outlets, at the same time we are dealing with these in your face frustrations and it's difficult to respond like Dr. Phil.
                    I know where I need to turn with my frustrations... I need to follow my roots and fall to my knees in prayer and ask the good Lord for help to get through the tough times... but stubborn pride sometimes takes over and I think I can do it all, I cant!

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                    • #11
                      Re: Dad turns to Facebook to teach daughter a lesson...

                      Originally posted by Pipestone Kid View Post
                      Well, I don't think the guy was taking his frustration out on the laptop. He said if she did it again, he would put a bullet through it. She did and he did. Did you want him to not follow through on his word? Maybe he should not have made that particular promise for a punishment, but I commend him for fulfilling his promise. One thing is certain--I bet she believes him now!
                      A lot of the negative responses I have read on this all say he should have donated the laptop... but then the daughter could look at it as nothing was wasted as someone was helped by her behavior. By promising to destroy the laptop, and doing just that as promised would happen if she acted out, she saw that no one wins, not her, not her dad or anyone else. I think the best lesson that was learned was that there is consiquences to ones behavior, and they can be pretty negative! Makes one change their tune very quickly!

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                      • #12
                        Re: Dad turns to Facebook to teach daughter a lesson...

                        I don't second guess the dad. My dad would have put me on my azz in a heartbeat. And no, he wasn't a child abuser. I don't resent him at all for being one tough sucker. Being damn afraid of him kept me out of trouble and in school, because let's face it, when you're a teenager you are a testosterone driven animal that is dumber than a sack full of hammers. He kept me in line even when I was 6" taller, 70 pounds heavier and could bench press twice what he weighed. He always loomed as the most significant "consequence" I would need to face when I screwed up. Nothing wrong there that I can see... he was also my biggest cheerleader when I got something right. Seems to make more sense to me than all the psychobabble on parenting we get nowadays.

                        I think the dad in the video found a good way to express his frustration and provide appropriate feedback to his kid. Just my opinion.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Dad turns to Facebook to teach daughter a lesson...

                          Originally posted by Andy_M View Post
                          I don't second guess the dad. My dad would have put me on my azz in a heartbeat. And no, he wasn't a child abuser. I don't resent him at all for being one tough sucker. Being damn afraid of him kept me out of trouble and in school, because let's face it, when you're a teenager you are a testosterone driven animal that is dumber than a sack full of hammers. He kept me in line even when I was 6" taller, 70 pounds heavier and could bench press twice what he weighed. He always loomed as the most significant "consequence" I would need to face when I screwed up. Nothing wrong there that I can see... he was also my biggest cheerleader when I got something right. Seems to make more sense to me than all the psychobabble on parenting we get nowadays.

                          I think the dad in the video found a good way to express his frustration and provide appropriate feedback to his kid. Just my opinion.
                          Andy, you were lucky to have such a dedicated Dad. I try my best to be something like that with my daughters. I am willing to be the bad guy if they are out of line but I also cheer them on and encourage them when they need it. My younger daughter with whom I battled over not offering to cook me something after she had promised, recently cooked a meal for my wife and I and some of her friends. She was home from college for the weekend and we went shopping for the meal and even helped her. She cooked something difficult as she is going to a culinary college and wanted to do something special. I liked the food and even though she was not pleased with the results, I complimented her several times. My point is that a decent Dad will be tough when he needs to be but like your Dad knows that a kid needs praise for the good, for the effort. Dads who are just tough all the time and never balance that with kindness and praise are sort of miserable in my opinion. I know too many Dads who want to be their kids friend, to be liked all the time, and that's a real easy thing to do if you don't care to teach your kid right from wrong. I just wish I had a more cooperation from my wife, I think that would have prevented a lot of confusion and mixed messages. Raising kids to be good people is not easy, I respect the folks who try their best. Frank

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                          • #14
                            Re: Dad turns to Facebook to teach daughter a lesson...

                            I am labeled the bad guy for trying to bring discipline to somebody else's kids while trying to set a proper example for my child to be raised in. Honestly I am tired of getting crapped on for my efforts. It is making child support look more and more appealing.

                            Am I perfect? Hell no, but it sounded easy when the ol lady said she wanted what I wanted, but does not want to put out the effort to maintain what is gained back once that battle has been won.

                            I learned that promising a punishment with an action you are not willing to go through with can seriously undermine your authority. If you say you are going to do it, and its not against the law or considered child abuse, then by all means you had better go through with it.. These days giving an inch wont cost you a mile, it can cost you the battle.
                            We don't have preventative maintenance around here, we have CRISIS MANAGEMENT!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Dad turns to Facebook to teach daughter a lesson...

                              This April will make 29 years of marriage and although I love my wife, I don't think I would do it again. She and I have loved and fought over the years, with my two daughters being witnesses to the arguments. I am convinced men and women have no business trying to live by the institution of marriage which is why it fails more than fifty percent of the time. I know some here have idyillic marriages and I respect and admire them. My having stayed hard working, faithful, caring and loving did not reward me with the kind of relationship I had hoped for.

                              I am responding to the previous post in that it's hard to say what the right thing to do is regarding marriage and divorce especially when it comes to the kids. Three or so years ago my older daughter was having a hard time dealing with the loss of my father and my mother inlaw just one week apart. My daughter was in mourning for months and saw a therapist at college and then one at home during summer break. We had a family meeting with this "expert" an attractive women in her mid forties who was divorced three times herself!
                              She opened the meeting with how upset my daughter was with the arguments at home and how it affected her. I readily admitted that my wife and I have different ideas of how marriage should work and marriage vows. I felt neglected, ignored and upset at times and I did not take it laying down. I asked the expert which would have been the better thing to do for our daughters years prior to this meeting, get divorced and break up the famliy, or stay together and let them see what real life and marriage is like? She did not have an answer, she simply said it was wrong to argue aorund the kids. I agree that it's a bad thing to do but privacy and timing are not always an option.
                              I truly do love my wife, even though I am not happy, I don't want to get divorced and cause her hurt, or upset my daughters who are away at college. My sincere advice to other married men trying to raise their kids while battling their wives, is to hang in there. Yes, you are the bad guy for caring enough to teach your kid/s right from wrong while mommy wants to smother them with kindness. I do believe once you divorce the chance of you really raising your kids to know right from wrong and using discipline is GONE!!! You do become the outsider literally. I have seen it all too often, mommy is the one who usually gets the kids, she is the one who loves them and cares for them and you just fork over money. Please, don't give up and walk away. The kids won't be better off and trust me, you won't find ms, or mrs. perfect waiting to take your wife's place. There is no winning if you leave, and there is no easy way to stay that's the reality in my opinion.
                              If you don't work enough you're lazy, work too much and you don't care about your family. Don't discipline your kids and you're weak, discipline them and you're MEAN. Keep the things that bother you bottled up till you get a heart attack and your too closed, voice your thoughts and your acting like a woman!!!

                              I don't think that laptop deserved them bullets. I'll leave it at that.

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