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  • #16
    Re: Good Thing My Heads Attached!

    Tony,

    I'm very sorry to hear of your condition. You get hit by a truck, or is this just "life" catching up with you? I deeply sympathize with the pain that you are suffering through.

    I have damage to my C2, C3, and C4... and for about two months I had to sleep upright in a chair and I couldn't bear the pain of riding in a car. I was able to avoid the surgery, thanks to several doctors and some therapy. Still, my left side is too often numb and I have little feeling in the left hand (notice how many times I drop keyboard letters, that I don't hit correctly). Thankfully, I'm at a point where it's just discomfort and trouble sleeping... but none of that excruciating pain anymore.

    I hope that you will get beyond the pain very soon and can regain your life's joy.

    Best wishes,

    CWS

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    • #17
      Re: Good Thing My Heads Attached!

      Dads! Tough job and I don't know if anyone ever gets it totally right.

      I grew up with a Dad that always worked. No hobbies, no real interests that I can ever remember. While I had great respect for him, it reached a point where I began to wonder if "respect" was really "fear" of his threats. He'd often be angry and he'd often do a lot of yelling. But, I only remember being "hit" two times. Once when I was a little guy I got "spanked" and once when I was a teen, I got "hit". The former was due and the latter was anger at something he misunderstood. But it was those moment of "threat" that I hated. Yet for all of that, I understood and still had respect and as I got older I began to understand him more and saw him as guy who was just extremely burdened in his life.

      He'd lost his father when he was only twelve. He was one of several kids and when my grandmother remarried the family doubled to a dozen. "Work" was all the poor guy knew. He quit early highschool to work, and then a young brother died in early childhood, and an older brother was killed at "Pearl". He enlisted and served in the Pacific and had his best friend killed, waking to then kill the "Jap" who had infiltrated the camp. I have no idea what went on during the war except that story, which my "grandfather" (actually "step-grandfather" I guess) told me about. It helped me understand the "flashes" of anger and also some of my father's expectations of me. My father never talked about the war, his brothers, his father, and all the burdens that he had shouldered or that he was shouldering. Thankfully, he didn't drink. He had that strength not to add that to whatever other burdens he had.

      And he was of a generation I think, that stood alone as "a Man". He did things his way, no complaints, but no joy either. He wise-cracked and had similar wise-cracking friends. He was critical, and would say things and use labels that often would not be "acceptable" by today's standards. And though he was the kind of guy who would stop to help anybody "stranded at the side of the road", he too often blamed life on his terms for most minorities.

      I grew up as "the oldest", so that meant that I too "worked" and "sacrifised". It WAS my younger sisters and one brother that received all the benefits and so it went through all of his life. We'd go to the house at Christmas to find lots of gifts for my sibling's children, but on only one occasion was there something there for our child. My Dad would simply say, "I buy for those who need" and you are able to provide for yours. It was almost like because I worked and took responsibility for my family, that he was thus relieved to do whatever was necessary for everyone else.

      I became a father and my "lesson's-learned" were almost totally different. My #1 priortiy was my son and almost everything that I did in life was centered on that. I found great joy in just holding my new baby boy. I found great joy in sharing time with him, teaching him to read, to play games, and to do all that might interest him and to provide for any opportunity that might come his way. I felt responsible for and fearful of ever having him miss an opportunity because I may not be able to afford it. Thus, we focused on being prepared. And while I felt, like my Dad, that "responsibility" and "discipline" were essential parts of one's character, I never once have "forced" my son to do anything that he didn't like or didn't want to do. Above all, I tell my son how much I love him, which is something I never heard my father tell me.

      My Dad has been gone for many year now. I really miss him, but I also think that much of that thought is that I miss what we didn't have. I respected him because he was my Dad, but we weren't "friends".

      My son, who is now 42, told me a couple of years ago that one of the things he appreciates, is our friendship. He knows that he can count on me. He knows that while I can be critical (and he of me), we can both talk and joke and even argue and that our friendship will always be there. As a father, that is a nice feeling and it tells me that if all else fails in this world, at least with that relationship I have been successful.

      CWS
      Last edited by CWSmith; 06-12-2012, 11:59 AM.

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      • #18
        Re: Good Thing My Heads Attached!

        Well, I will be 80 in a couple of weeks and I never lost a thing. Just temporarily misplaced a few things. Some temporary periods longer than others.

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        • #19
          Re: Good Thing My Heads Attached!

          That was a beautiful post CWS. So we do some things diffferently than our Fathers did, and probably make different mistakes along the way. My Dad was a simple guy who went to work and came home. My Dad's brothers (5) would visit on weekends to share a meal and some laughs. I don't think it's fair to expect perfect from our parents and if we can let go of the hurt of growing up it frees us. My Dad never admitted being wrong, I think he considered it a sign of weakness? I have no problem admitting when I am wrong and taught my daughters to do the same, but I have made a whole host of other mistakes with my kids.

          There is some good that comes out of a bad experience such as understanding the value of spending time with your children if you grew up with a Dad who was often working or just not there. There is a balance to be found in all this, you don't need to sacrifice all your time to your children either. Parents who make their children their whole world often trade off being a couple that needs alone time to stay connected. If we are thoughtful of our actions and trying to do our best, we may still screw up at times but at least we made the effort.

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