I don't second guess the dad. My dad would have put me on my azz in a heartbeat. And no, he wasn't a child abuser. I don't resent him at all for being one tough sucker. Being damn afraid of him kept me out of trouble and in school, because let's face it, when you're a teenager you are a testosterone driven animal that is dumber than a sack full of hammers. He kept me in line even when I was 6" taller, 70 pounds heavier and could bench press twice what he weighed. He always loomed as the most significant "consequence" I would need to face when I screwed up. Nothing wrong there that I can see... he was also my biggest cheerleader when I got something right. Seems to make more sense to me than all the psychobabble on parenting we get nowadays.
I think the dad in the video found a good way to express his frustration and provide appropriate feedback to his kid. Just my opinion.
I am labeled the bad guy for trying to bring discipline to somebody else's kids while trying to set a proper example for my child to be raised in. Honestly I am tired of getting crapped on for my efforts. It is making child support look more and more appealing.
Am I perfect? Hell no, but it sounded easy when the ol lady said she wanted what I wanted, but does not want to put out the effort to maintain what is gained back once that battle has been won.
I learned that promising a punishment with an action you are not willing to go through with can seriously undermine your authority. If you say you are going to do it, and its not against the law or considered child abuse, then by all means you had better go through with it.. These days giving an inch wont cost you a mile, it can cost you the battle.
This April will make 29 years of marriage and although I love my wife, I don't think I would do it again. She and I have loved and fought over the years, with my two daughters being witnesses to the arguments. I am convinced men and women have no business trying to live by the institution of marriage which is why it fails more than fifty percent of the time. I know some here have idyillic marriages and I respect and admire them. My having stayed hard working, faithful, caring and loving did not reward me with the kind of relationship I had hoped for.
I am responding to the previous post in that it's hard to say what the right thing to do is regarding marriage and divorce especially when it comes to the kids. Three or so years ago my older daughter was having a hard time dealing with the loss of my father and my mother inlaw just one week apart. My daughter was in mourning for months and saw a therapist at college and then one at home during summer break. We had a family meeting with this "expert" an attractive women in her mid forties who was divorced three times herself!
She opened the meeting with how upset my daughter was with the arguments at home and how it affected her. I readily admitted that my wife and I have different ideas of how marriage should work and marriage vows. I felt neglected, ignored and upset at times and I did not take it laying down. I asked the expert which would have been the better thing to do for our daughters years prior to this meeting, get divorced and break up the famliy, or stay together and let them see what real life and marriage is like? She did not have an answer, she simply said it was wrong to argue aorund the kids. I agree that it's a bad thing to do but privacy and timing are not always an option.
I truly do love my wife, even though I am not happy, I don't want to get divorced and cause her hurt, or upset my daughters who are away at college. My sincere advice to other married men trying to raise their kids while battling their wives, is to hang in there. Yes, you are the bad guy for caring enough to teach your kid/s right from wrong while mommy wants to smother them with kindness. I do believe once you divorce the chance of you really raising your kids to know right from wrong and using discipline is GONE!!! You do become the outsider literally. I have seen it all too often, mommy is the one who usually gets the kids, she is the one who loves them and cares for them and you just fork over money. Please, don't give up and walk away. The kids won't be better off and trust me, you won't find ms, or mrs. perfect waiting to take your wife's place. There is no winning if you leave, and there is no easy way to stay that's the reality in my opinion.
If you don't work enough you're lazy, work too much and you don't care about your family. Don't discipline your kids and you're weak, discipline them and you're MEAN. Keep the things that bother you bottled up till you get a heart attack and your too closed, voice your thoughts and your acting like a woman!!!
I don't think that laptop deserved them bullets. I'll leave it at that.:madold:
Your post hit alot of nerves in regards to my home situation. I could spend the next several hours talking myself into leaving. As it stands, even the 18 year plan does not look very appealing, when the parents are on two different sides of the planet whats the point? At least not with her there will be significantly less stress in my life and she may or may not have to do what she says... I might even live a few extra years.
In regards to the bullet to the laptop, I personally would have a hard time justifying destroying something I paid good money for, but to prove a point I most certainly would go through with it. In my home I am at the point where I would make the offending kid pay me the money for the laptop after I shot it just for that extra sour taste of rubbing in the insult to injury.
You would save yourself a lot of stress if the problem and resulting aggravation was not in your face every minute! The kids grow up regardless of all our effort and stress, and I guess it comes down to us or them? I can tell you what you are in for if you stay married, more of the same and worse! If you get divorced, there will be a period of extreme emotional stress and monetary loss. If you can survive that, you will be faced with all the crazies (women) the young ones who are sexy but mindless, the older divorced ones with kids who hate you for not being their dad and if you are foolish enough to remarry into that, God help you! I look at the personals on match.com, it's a horro show. Sure there are pretty pictures but just read what they are looking for. First of all, they all have kids living at home, then they want a tall guy in great shape who doesn't smoke or drink, who likes dancing, the theatre, hiking (thy're just trying to kill him). OH, and the kicker is they want him to earn over $125,000.00. Yeah, I'm looking for that guy too!!!! It shows you that for the most part none of them are looking for a good guy, a decent guy, it's all about money and impressing their friends. Can't live with'em and can't shoot'em. I wish you and the millions of men in similar situations the best of luck. Personally I'm just waiting to see which of us dies first, you won't see these kinds of honest discussion on dr. phil or oprah. They won't tell you that a woman will lose her sex drive after having kids and by the time she is in her late thirties, it's game over! They should add things to the marriage vows like. Do you promise to love her while she insults and contradicts your parenting skills! Do you promise to remain faithful when she no longer wants to be intimate and your mind and body still crave a woman? You want a good laugh? Try marriage counseling, you sit thee while your wife and the "expert" take turns beating the stuffing out of you. We went to three years ago and it was always the same routine. Marriage counselor "Frank, why does it have to be your way?", Frank "Why does it have to be her way?". Good luck!
You have to laugh sometimes, it beats the alternatives. Frank
And then there are times when you need to get mad, and yell!
The Pope Benedict offers an ingeniusly simple bit of advice to young couples who are considering marriage:
"If it begins to feel good, STOP!"
While I see the wisdom behind this, I feel torn in three different directions over this issue.
One - Am I really desiring marriage?
Two - Is it really the idea of a marriage that is found interesting?
Three - Is it really better to prevent the issue through simply forsaking marriage altogether?
Even the Bible offers only cold comfort when the Apostle Paul states, "Those who marry do well, those who don't marry do better."
Of course he means in the context of being virtuous towards God the whole time in both cases, but come on!
Perhaps these are really just symptoms of a deeper disease. Call it my belief that most problems are caused by a void, meaning, "The reason why most problems occur is not due to someone else doing something wrong or evil, but rather not doing what they were suppose to, though capable of doing it." In this case, I wholeheartedly believe that the reason why there are so many relationship problems today is due to the fact that our parents never taught us how to date, nor form a relationship. I can tell you right now that I was never taught such things, as it seems thousands, possibly millions alike, that lands us in the situation we are in now. This is proven by the fact that there are confidence artists (That wear that title proudly on their collective chests) that amassed a vast wealth for themselves by doing nothing more than teaching grown men how to date women in four to seven day seminars that charge thousands of dollars, money these men are more than happy to pay for a service that their own parents are suppose to teach them for free out of parental duty!
In my opinion there are no secrets to having a woman love, care and desire you whether it involves marriage or a more temporary relationship. Skill and luck are the two ingredients you need to understand and it doesn't take a course by an expert to learn.
The skill part requires you to take an honest look at yourself through a strangers eyes. Your appearance, hygene, physique, manner and behavior. Would you want to be with you if you were a woman? When I was a young man I had zero confidence around women. I was skinny, weak, inexperienced in every facet of life. I didn't feel worthy of being a husband or father, but I was determined to change all that. You already have many advantages I did not. I had to bust my butt lifting weights to build a good physique, but that's all external and easy to do. I read all sorts of literature about how to be a good lover and what women wanted in a mate. I know there are guys reading this and laughing but it's all true. Successful people have "people" skills that give them a boost in life. they know how and when to offer a simple compliment that can change a persons mood and have them want to be near you. I'm not talking about being a phoney, insincere person, but rather a person who sees beyond himself and brightens the lives of others.
Let me ask you this, skills being equal, which tradesman would you rather have work in your home or business, the guy who looks like a slob, stinks, is grumpy and stares a little too long at your wife or daughter, or the guy who looks good, smiles, greets you with enthusiasm and is well mannered? It's the same with women, see yourself through their eyes. They don't want to be with a guy who makes them feel threatened or scared either and there are plenty of guys who just don't care. I have been in relationships with two women and after almost thirty years of marriage I am confident I could easily be with several women if I so choose. The skill to self examine and improve who you are is simple and makes you the guy women want to be with, the guy men want as a friend. I greet people with a smile and often offer a compliment which makes their day, be that guy. The luck part of the equation is a crap shoot. Will the women you get close to be sincere about who she is? Will she love and care about you over time? Will she have addiction issues, emotional or health issues? There are trade offs to consider if you want to stay single or be married with children. Single affords you different relationships, no commitment and a life less stressful in my opinion. Married if it works lets you know the love and caring of a person for whom you mean the world! A person who will give you a child and care for that child above her own self. The down side of that is how it changes the dynamics of the marriage, and how with age and illness things change.
I am not in the best of moods lately, my wife has been ill for years now and I'm frustrated and depressed, so I say negative things about marriage. You should not listen to miserable guys like me when they are having problems. You need to decide for yourself what you want out of life and go for it with no regrets. You want the love of a good woman and your own family? Don't waste your time in bars and hanging with the guys. Go to a gym after work,. take some adult education classes such as "skills of successful people" and read some positive motivational literature. Look int a Tony Robbins course, it's not a joke! Our brains are like computers, open to programming. If you hang out with negative people and have a negative internal monologue running in your head, you can't expect a positive result. The skills and tools that change your perception impact not only you but the people you encounter. You don't need parental guidance anymore, you are a grown man and can find your own guidance and good life through a bit of effort. My parents gave me life and kept me safe enough to reach adulthood, the rest is up to me. You are a skilled tradesman, a soldier, there is nothing you can't do going forward. The information is out there, but you have to find it, and it is not where you have been spending your time so far. I can pick up some trade skills from watching others and trial and error, or I can work with an expert, read the right literature and learn. Confidence and relationships are no different, the acquisition of skills and their application. Frank